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andeerof
ionhekey.
doyourhowork
seekfirsttouand
sotisitsnotpossibletoobtaininfortion,especially
ifyoureetingsoohefirstti.inthistype
ofsituation,youstbepletelyfocusedoher
person.
eet,talkaboutyourselfaslittleaspossible.
theresahing
alking.”
thinkaboutthat.youttalkandlistentopeopleat
thesati.itisoalkandyoulistenthat
you.iftheyseeelut
toopentheion,youtakeoverhtheiion
ofgettialkassoonaspossible.
youbeginbytalkingaboutscurrentor
prointheneicsionuntilyou
knooreabouttheorbykingrefereoaret
hitvieorpopulartelevisirabooks,sports,or
fashion.ifyouventionedavie,askthehey
haveseenlately.askoviestheyprefer,and
soon.
findasubjectofi
heresanexaleofho
anotherpersonistalkingabout.supposetheotherperson
says,“iofrustratedbytheeopledrivenowadays.
theresnoionforanyoneelse.nobodyhas
patienyre;theyjusttogettoheyre
goingasfastastheydyoudbettergetoutoftheway.”
letsanalyzethepossibilitiesinthissilestatent.
itssafetosaythatthispersonhasabeeinhisbonabout
sothingbutaboutdrivingingeneralperhaps.
thepo
aboutinebehaviorybe.aboutotherpeoples
lackofpatiencepossibly.therearethreedifferent
diresyouuldtaketheionsafely.you
uldreplyh,“iagree,”andthenproceedtobrieflytalk
aboutanihathappeoyou.thatapproachis
partistoberunning
outofion.
aleerthatthereyouleaabout
otherpeopleduringaionalexge,thegreater
.thereand
betterquestionsyouaskthatpiggybatheirbackground
andis,theretheyobe
g.
yourtoolsforgothers
reer,thepersonionshasntrol.there
arethreepoionsyouaskofanynew
acquaintaontroltheion
andappeargatthesati.
first,youask,“sortofostpeople
aredeeplyiedintheirplaysatral
roleintheirlivesandisajorsourceoftheiridentity.
theylovetotalkaboutitanddescribetheydoto
others.
then,heyhavetoldyoutheydo,youask,
hgreatiandcuriosity,“hointo
thatlineofwork,anyway”
thisquestionhallkindsof
detailsaboutthepersonshistory,experiences,andbackground,
allexplaiheforfalifestory.sotis
thestorygoonindefinitely.peopleusuallyfeelthatthe
storyoftheirostfasating
storiesevertold.
doyourhowork
thespeakerysloineif
youarereallyiedorifyouarejustbeingpolite.
ory,youask,“andthen
didyoudo”
hediatelyexpandonhislastntandntinue
tellingyoureofhisstory.wheneverheslows,ask
“andtheely
chardbyyou.
youilarquestionsasere
aboutthat.”“hodidtheydo”
“happe”
ifyoulike,youtroduceyourohoughts.when
youdosaysothingaboutyourself,resistthetetation
tobeetootalkative.topasstheballbacktotheother
person,endyourntaboutyourselfhanother
questioheotherpersontalkingagain.
chapter33
keeptheballin
theirurt
theor
tobeinford,topleaseortopersuade.
benjanfranklin
gpeoplekeepuptheirendoftheion
bypassingtheballbadfortheasilyand
naturally.
yoalistoparticipateactivelyintheion
etienuragingyourional
unterpartstotakeoveraschasthey.youare
likeatennisplayerratesonkeepingtheballin
play.likeatennisach,youhittheballsoyourstudent
reachitaanopportunitytohititback.the
112
keeptheballintheirurt
loherallylasts,therevaluableitisforthestudent,
asheionalist.
readingeachother
stionsbeginhpolite,socialbahese
lightexgesallooodand
receptivityoftheotherperson.youthenshifttheion
toreprofoundtters,dependingonthe
direyoutogo.
ohebestokeeptheionalballin
playistousequestionsthatspinofffrooure
alreadytalkingabout.forexale,igihatatthe
beginningoftheionyoubegantalkingabout
food.
yousay,“haveyoutastedthesesnackstheyredelicious”
theotherpersonrepliesandthenyouspeakagain,
introduentof
foodalyliypeoffoodsdo
youprefer”
evertheaoo,”yousay.“i
lovestfoodsaslongastheyreasty.
doyoueatoutalot”
theotherpersongivesananshenyountinue:“i
thihookingtyperestaurantintownis
nayourfavoriterestaurant.”
thatntleadsintothequestion:“haveyou
everbeenthere”
thepersonansust
tryit.justabouteverythingtheykeisexceptional.do
youhaveaaurantsthatyouparticularlyenjoy”
thepo
foreasinuehafolloion:
“doyoueingout”andsoon.
obviously,theionuldgoinahundreddifferent
diresbut,asyousee,thebasicideaisto
keeptheionboungbacktotheotherperson.
itisnotplicatedordifficulttodo.itjustinvolvesputting
yoonthebackbuerandattendingtothe
needsorisoftheotherperson.itisthekeytobeing
g.
yourtoolsforgothers
iiohatitisnot
...