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www.192.twytheingafteropeningnight,iracedouttettheneycarforedlike
anhourbeforeand
seeifitbsuporthusdoookthe
plunge.
iopehenehshakingfiued
tothetheaterpage.aheheadline:
“greatplaygreatproduystoch
ntractedhpleasure.thehecritichad
tosay.hesayfaultsasyvirtuesandfor
hithevirtuesobviouslyhadouthefaults.
bequicktopraise
iycareerasadirectorandhis
carefullyy
tivation,ntuandpleasure.thatspraise
do,andpeoplerarelygetenoughofit.
yourstoolforgothers
ohebestdefinitionsofselfesteeshoucha
personnsidersherselforhielftobepraisehy.the
reyougenuinelypraisepeoplesbehavior,there
theylikeandrespecttheelves,aertheyfeel
toosteffectiveingivingpraise,you
shouldfolloheseguidelines.
first,bespecific.therespecificthepraise,thegreater
iaorelikely
itistotivatethepersontoperforveerinthat
areaiure.insteadofsaying,“yreatsecretary,”
youshouldsay,“youdidahat
proposalaingitoutsoquicklyyesterday.”
send,praiseiediately.thefasteryoupraisepeople
aftertheyhavedohingpraisehy,thebetter
theyfeelandtherelikelytheyaretorepeatthea.
third,praiseforbothlargeandsllacplishnts.as
kenblaninutenager,“catch
theoingsothingright.”
praisingothersfortheiracplishntsissothing
stofusdonotdooftenenough.youstbetheexception
totherule.praisekespeoplefeel
theelvesandisakeyelentofchar
chapter23
usethe“actasif”
principle
thebestocreateafeeling,ifyouhaveitnot,
istoaeveryoccasionhatfeelingisdesirable
asifyouhaditalready,andyousoonwillhave.
aristotle
in1905,jasofharvarduy,thefather
ofariadearerkableobservation.
hesaidthatthebestotion,if
youdontactuallyfeelit,istopretendasifyoualreadyfeel
ituntilitbeesareality.
therepeatedasooethe
realfeelingsofenthusiasifyoubehaveasthoughyou
arehappyorexcited,youofeelhappyor
78
usethe“actasif”principle
excited.youroutetherresponding
innerfeeling.
youtrolyouras
psychologistshavefoundthatitisdifficultforpeopleto
sotionsoffandonatotio
uhediretrolofthewill.
youras,horol
froonttont.byntrollingyouras,you
otionsyoudesire
tohave,silartothe“outsidein”approachapter8.
soyouraotions.
astriggerfeelings
the“actasif”principlesaysthatifyouactasifyou
alreadyfeltaparticularier
thefeelingstogo.
eethanotherperson,actasifthatother
personisabsolutelyfasating.treattheotherpersonlike
aviestaroobelprizeenhyourfull
attention.leanforwardandhangoneveryword.nod,
sle,andaoinuousseriesofverbal
andvocalassuraheeffectric.
veryoften,byusingatteeningteiques,you
outtheotherpersonsinsightsand
observations,ayazeyou.innotiatall,you
uallyfindyourselfdeeplyiediher
person.youobefasating,andherwords
tobeintelligentandenjoyable.
thepo
brianonlessonsfrolongbustrip
alongtiago,iotakeahourbus
ridetogethobecauseofanairlinerikethat
hadparalyzedallairtransport.ifoundselfsitti
toascruffylookingcharacterinjeans,hlonghair,
yseattefortheerip.
uldido
idecidedtotryoutthis“actasif”principleihadjust
heardabout.ituedtohindintroducedself,then
askedhindhedidforaliving.
ittuedoutthathelivedonafarutthathehad
beefasatedallplanes.hehadsentaway
forakitandbuilthielfaoerthatheflewaround
thefarntry.eventuallyhepetedinairshows.
heeaboutcrashesandneardeath
experiences,andhisreveryfrorokenlegsandacts.
thereipracticedatteening,askiions
andaoorefasating
thiold.tothisday,ireerhohose
eighthoursfleehstoriesabout
hislifeandupbringing.
rononusingthepoind
iilyandhe
said,“youreintothissortofthing;ybeyougive
anexplanation.”
heon.“aweeko,iwokeupfeelinglousy,
soidecidednottogointotheoffice.ijustsataroundin
bathrobe,didntshaveorshochedtvalittle,
andbydichworse.”
usethe“actasif”principle
iasked,“didyoudodidyougotoseeyourdoc
tor”
heshruggedhisshoulders.“no,iotthedoctortype.
but,heresthepoint.theveryday,igotupfeeling
uheuch
e.ihadanappointntihad
alreadypostponedfrohedaybeforeandent
things.offiidi
chbetterwhyhis”
isaid,“itadethedifferes
aperfectexaleofhotitudeaffectusphysically.
once,everyohoughtthereasonyoufeltbetter
ental,butnoical.
byengaginginbehaviorsofbeingwellsh,
shaviingdressedandgoingofftowork
youaistry,hen
causesyoutofeelbetter.”
hedigestedtheinfortionforant.thenhesaid,
“soitsabinationofthepoindandour
intealpharcydepartntthatkesthedifference.”
as
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