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44
thethirdsignal:headtilts
rononhoolookinquisitive
nyyearsago,unbeknoe,ky
broughthoayoungpuppy.shehadntanttoignore
inkingthisdecisiononherohadfallenin
loveethatevening,
bingo,thereshee,veryspotted
daltianpuppy.cuteikdoosayhellojustat
thentshejueduptosayhello.therewasan
iediateandpainfulllisiouzzleand
zzle.theresult:abrokenliplip.butregardless
ofourfirsteting,asthedays,onths
etheloveofbothourlives.
entalkedtoherasthoughsheulduand.
andiltherhead
thishat.shelookedforallthehough
sheulduandoureveryn
seellsusthatthatisiossible,butshesurelooked
asthoughshekneweweresaying
ifyoudothesaandoccasionallytiltyourheadslightly
toonesideasyoulistentosooellyousothing,
itoreintense,inquiringlook.its
asthoughyouarescrehtlyon
thespeaker.ifyouusethisteiquehespeaker
istalkingaboutsothihinksissignifit,you
tentiveandinvolved.shehislittle
gestureofyoursveryg.
yourtoolsforgothers
theisooalkingtoyou,especially
isaboutsothingthatisiortanttoher,tryaslltilt
ofyourheadtoeitherside.youghtevenpracti
thepo
frontofarrorbeforeyoutryitonaperson,justtosee
holooks.
heresanotherrule:tiltyourheadtolisten,straightenup
tospeak.
thehodsyouve
leaedthusfar:usedirecteyentactheachpersonin
everyion,flieyetoeye,andtilt
yourheadtothelefthteoneisspeakingto
you.
theyareallpartofthesystefsignalsthatgreatlisteners
usetosay,“iaotallyfocusedonyouresaying.”
theyaresllbutverypoorsofthedepthof
yourlisteningandthedegreeofyourinvolventina
ion.
chapter13
thefourthsignal:
headnods
thatisthehappiestioion,
novanity,butaents.
saeljohnson
headnoddingisanotherpoeiqueinlistening
andappearinge
peopletendtonodinstinctively;sodontnodvery
chatall.ifyouchthereasofpeoplehey
arelistening,youanbe.
andenergyare
draticallydinished.
47
thepo
rononadding“noddies”toyourlistening
teique
atelevisioeroervieeinho.
shearrivederanintoy
offieantited,and
shegaveasenseofightask.
theerviewbegan.
aseranwaskeeping
theeandneveronher.i
thought,“ifthisntinues,illendupbeingatalking
head.itllbeallandjusthervoithebackground.”
thatideadidntpleaseatall.
an
tofilerdoingavarietyofreas.ichedcuriously
andtheniasked,“ions
separately”shereplied,“iedtodotheinterview
inyouroffidiulderas,oo
beonyouandoneon.notothe
inaltapeediting.”
isthavelookedpuzzled,soshentinued,“ifit
getbothofourreas,ihavenochoicebuttorerd
theeparately.”shesledandsaid,“
noddies.”
isaid,“noddiesbuteacrossasphony”
shelaughedandsaid,“no,notiftheyredonean
proseyou,theviein
theslightest.”
nfession:isayselfandistsayi
hohenticher“noddies”looked.
thefourthsignal:headnods
threeonod
headnodsarestrongindicatorsofhoenselyyouare
listeningandyouarethinkingandfeeling.thereare
actuallythreedifferentkindsofheadnodstheslohe
faster,andtheveryfast.eachhasitsoeaning
andusefulness.stpeople.
first,thereistheverysloeans,
“iollothinkingaboutit.”theslowheadnod
doesnotnecessarilyanthatyouagree.
send,thereistheslightlyfasterheadnod,h
says,“yht,iagree.”
third,thereisthechfasterheadnod,hsays,“i
agreeandixcitedbyhearing.”
trytheutonyourfriendsaheresults.
yourtoolsforgothers
noddingsignalstootherpeoplethatyouare,friendly,
andpayingattention.itsaniortaof
chardevelopthehabitofnoddingandaowledging
otherpeopleheyarespeaking.to
nodandjustlistenoving,itbedising
tostspeakers.
chapter14
thefifthsignal:
wholebody
language
iion,keepinndthatyourereied
inyouhavetosaythananyoneelseis.
andrews.roone
ed,hoionyourbody
andthesignalsthedegreeofi
youhaveinapersonspeakingandthepersonis
saying.oeoisasthough
youaresayinghyourbody,“ifindyoufasating;you
aredraetoagicforce.”leaning
aaysuggest,“iored,ithinkofadozenthingsid
ratherbedoingthantalkingtoyou.”
50
thefifthsignal:wholebodylanguage
everythingunts
asaruleofthu,trytokeepyourued
toheotherperson.ifyoucrossys,dosoh
yourtoplegandkneepointingtoake
sureyourarareunfoldedanduseyourhandsfor
ehasisheseea
clearpictureofopennessaivity.
portanttonitorthe
distaheotherperson.todecidehow
chspaceisappropriate,checkyouroionswhen
peoplegettooyou.thenapply
youveleaedinpositioningyourselfhothers.ifaperson
tendstoinchclosertoyou,thenyo
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