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www.192.twave
achat,heghtbeabletohelp”
riayaswell”
andshesighed“ivenothingtolose.”
orseeherforsoti.thenone
eveningshecalled.ianshephone.
theoutsidein
“hello,ron,thisisria”
“riahowareyou”
“ingalongfine,”shereplied.
“happehepsychologist”iasked.“didyou
evercallhi
“yes,idid,”shesaid,“ivebeenseeinghiorafew
heresalreadyquiteadifference.s
iingisthathereallydoesntbothertooch
aboutostlyratesonhowi
behavedifferently.”
onthslater
andthegeonishing.thekindofthingsthat
anoa
nohanyoneradictedherwerenow
ignored.sheobeh.
ehege,shetoldus,“itsnot
onlythatiybehaviootters
goingoniidoasagitatedasiused
to.iveleaedthaty
agitation.”
rateonbehavior
riastoryisanfirtionofthediffereween
“i”and“outsidein”asitappliedtoeveryday
life.itsafaohingsdoesnot
autoticallyanthatyoukno.if
youreallyge,thewhyand
ratereonthehoisofteneasierandfaster
forustothe
inside.
thepo
behavioriseverything
togobapleatthebeginningofchapter1,do
youthinkthatbilltoedin
rksanbo,orth,hisutter“inthe
nt”focus,acultivatedbehaviorareally
tterregardlessofsgoingoninyourhead,
youareultitelyjudgedbyisyourbehavior.ifyoubehave
asthoughyouhate,thenyouhate;ifyoubehaveasthough
youlove,thenyoulove;ifyoubehaveasthoughyoucare,
youcare.
peoplebasedonhoheyperceiveusto
behave,notteraybe.
yourtoolsforgothers
dontuchaboutgingthehink
andfeelinside,beetoshow
anyiroventorresults.instead,rateon
behavilyasifyouingperson.
ing
ontheinside,aaglyoside.
seleingandthink
abouthohatpersosothersiion.try
todothesathingsthatpersondoesalkto
others.
chapter9
thepowerof
attention
ourpanionspleaseuslessfrohecharheir
ionthanfrohosetheyfindinours.
fulkegreville
hereisassureisfaliartost
everyone,particularlyatthebreakfastordinner
table.itsoundssothinglikethis:
she:“youarentlisteningto”
he:“yesia
she:“noyourenot”
he:“itellyouia
she:“iellingyouyourenot”
35
thepo
he:“iairepeateverydawordyousaid”
she:“idontgiveadaifyou.youarentlistening
to
isthatevenifhehas100
pertrecall,heisfailingtonvihatheisgiving
herhisundividedattention.
undividedattention
charequiresundividedattentionespeciallyening.
unlessyoureatalecture,reering
soonesaysisonlyapartoflistening.ifyourattitude
seetobesaying,“idontcareenoughtobothertoreact
toyou”ifnothinginyourbehaviornfiryouarelistening
youarebeingalousylistener.iftherearentany
signalsingfroouthatsayyourepayingattention
youarentlistening
goodrelationships,hersocialorprofessional,are
builtonnyqualities,butnothingisasiortantas
beingperceivedasbeiheticlistehebetter
listeneryouare,therevaluableyouareinaionship.
buthoebodyislisteningh
pleteattention
youdogreatlistenersdoyousignalthatyouare
listening.yourbehaviorandbodylanguageshouldsay,“i
aotallyfocusedonyouaresaying;everywordyou
utterisofextreiortao.”
thoseed“atteeners.”
thosearecalled“iivelisteners.”
thepotentiiveaoentsandassurances
othesesignalsas“aoentsandreassurances.”
atteenersusetheoaohe
otherpersonspresendreassuretheheyaretotally
involvedioflistening.atteenersproject
that“i”focusthatkespeoplefeelspecial
andiortant.thereofthesesignalsyoupractice,the
regyouear.
yourtoolsforgothers
theiyouarenversingeone,kea
specialefforttoaohatpersonthat
youarefullyeheionandinvolvedin
heissaying.facethepersolyarate
onhiseyouwilleversee
hileahoosignaltothepersonthatyouarepaying
attention.
chapter10
thefirstsignal:
eyentact
anounceofdialogueisonologue.
anonyus
hoeoneislisteningto
youthefirstiortantsignaliseyentact,pure
andsile.ifsooneisnotlookingatyou,thatpersonis
notlisteningtoyou.
hoanytishaveyouthought,orperhapssaid,
particularlytoyourchildren,“e
talkingtoyou”doyouknoatingitiswhenpeople
dontlookatyou,and
houchrefortableyoufeelheydo
38
thefirstsigact
briansrendedexperint
hereisalittleexperintyoudotoillustratehow
iortaactisinnighanother
person.startoffbylookingstraightatthepersonto
youaretalking,oralkingtoyou.then
sloodriftaothedistano
longerlookingatthepersonalking.
thereadiate,asifyoujust
pulledtheverbalunderhiheop
talkingintheddleofasentenceassoonasyoustop
lookingathiithappei.
rononthepe
...