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neverrest.notterhouchtheyhaveacplished,
theyfeelinsecure;theyfeelasiftheystacplishre.
nhavepsychologistscall“insecurityofstatus.”
nyoftheaveadeepdohat
everythingtheyhaveacplisheduldbetakenaway
frohetanynt.theystntinuallyachieve
reaterplishedin
thepast.
thekeytanissile.askhiuestions
andappreents.aowledge
andregnizehiorhisplishnts.be
iressedhheisdoingandhehasdone.he
ing.
brianonpraisingacplishnts
ysonchaelehoone
dayfroontessorischoolhahappylookonhis
face.iaskedhi“hooday”
hebeadatandreplied,“teaethat
shee.”hetheed,asifit
portant,“shee.”
iiediatelyreghattheteacherhadhitaional
ichaelthatiuldstrikeas
thatdayforychildren,“i
aeallyproudofyou,”heydidanything
eisaidthese
elevatedtheirselfesteendsenseofpersonalvalue.
asabusyprofessionalspeaker,ietthousandsofpeople
eaeaboutso
thepo
thinghehasacplished,isaysothinglike,“you
stbeveryproudofthat.”n,especially,aredeeply
affectedhowproud
theyareofsoaoving
andg.
enneed
narechardethattheyarecapable
ofsucceedingandproviding.
ilesatan,itkeshiappy,
reinfhisselfesteendkinghieelre
seiration
forhisacplishntsshisheartandcauseshibr >
toseeyouasarerkablyperceptiveperson.
aalks
andexplainshish,practigallthe
listeningskillsshehasleaedinthisbook,hewillfindher
absolutelyfasating.
youoftenseeanordinarylookinganhagoodlooking,
successfulnandsay,“iheseesin
her”
theans”whenaan
looksintoanseyesandseesavaluableandiortant
person,hefindsherirresistible.heisabsolutelychard.
yourtoolsforgothers
seleasilequestion
like,“hohinggoingatwork”whenhe
aion,asifhis
responseelyfasating.
gan
whenhesloopsspeaking,o
testheryouarereallyied,follohone
ofthesequestions:“happehen”or“did
youdosaytheiediatelybegin
speakingagain,oreofanopportunityto
listenandappreciatehisacplishnts.
chapter8
gfrohe
iandfrobr >
theoutsidein
thefundantalruleoftheageofatter
atterspeoplethinkyouare.
lancerrow
noingpeople,
ofaffegthetadeepetionallevel,lets
lookatthereasonshatyoubetter
practicetheteiquesinthisbooktobeeeven
betteratgettingyouroway.
iheater,therearetoag:
30
theoutsidein
theariapproach,oas“i,”
andtheeuropeanapproach,sidein.”using
thearithod,actintheinga
characterinaplayfropsychologicalpointofviehey
searselvesthataresilar
tothoseoftheilarities,the
actorbuildsoutocreatealltheattitudes
andbehaviorsofthepersonheorsheually
portray.onedrahisapproach:actorsareforced
tospendagreatdealoftinvingtheelveshnuaraheyhers.
intheselfiroveherearenyi
equivalents:olookinsideourselves
forthesourcesofourbehaviorsanduand
hatby
gingthehinkontheinside,hange
theetisitetis
itdoesnt.
theeuropeanapproach
erusingtheeuropeanapproach,
actinbycreatihecharacters
theyagihehecharacters
oves
inhepsychologicalreasons
forthebehaviorsofthepersonbeingplayed.
thisdeviproventarena.by
gingourextealbehaviorsothers
feelandalsoance,ifyou
behaveasthoughyouarehappyorexcitedyouwillprobably
nvihersthatyouarehappyaed;butanadded
bonusisthatyou,too,ofeelhappyorexcited.
thepo
thepohasbeentenasanoutsidein
book.init,hhoeal
behaviorbydevelopingandusiainskillsskillsthat
giveyountrolofthepersonaligethatyouothers
tosee.iselves.
rononanuion
anoldfriendofours,letscallherriacatovisit
ustoapologizeforheroutburstatdinnerafes
before.herodsionswerelegendary.
shentiohatshehadbeehesapsychiatrist
forsevenyears.“sevenyears,”eywife
nicky.“thatsaayhany
shrink.”
“tell,afterallthatti,doyouthinkyouvegotyour
neysh”iasked,hprovokedanicyglare
froywife.
“thoughtforant,“yesandno.i
uailltreally
ntrolself.soivebeenthat,
eandneyhasbeenhit.”
sheseedquitedejectedaedasshesat
there.
nickysaid,“haveyoueverthoughtaboutgingto
aherapistweknoializes
inbehavioralproble.wouldyoubeoh
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