栗子小说    m.lizi.tw栗子小说    m.lizi.tw台湾小说网  www.192.tw:0830整理

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    libraryofngresscataloginginpublicationdata

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    p.c

    includesindex.

    isbn0814473571

    1.interpersoionshandbooks,nuals,etc.2.interpersonal

    nianuals,etc.3.chari.arden,ron.ii.title.

    h106.t732006

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    2005033866

    .2006briantradronarden

    allrightsreserved.

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    thispubliaynotbereproduced,storedirieval

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    printingnuer

    10987654321

    ethisbooktoourwonderfulwives,

    nidbarbara,theten

    iient

    listeningeso

    successfulatspeaking.youarethe

    stgenofall.

    s

    introdu1

    chapter13

    chapter2a5

    chapter3do8

    chapter4hoanyone11

    chapter5thegiflistening16

    chapter6gaan22

    chapter7gan26

    chapter8gfroheiand

    froheoutsidein30

    chapter9thepotention35

    chapter10thefirstsigact38

    chapter11thesendsignal:theflick41

    chapter12thethirdsignal:headtilts44

    chapter13thefourthsignal:headnods47

    chapter14thefifthsignal:wholebodylanguage50

    chapter15thesixthsignal:bodylanguagetoavoid54

    chapter16theseventhsignal:vocalreassurances59

    chapter17theeighthsignal:verbalreassurances61

    chapter18practicebeingghfriends63

    v

    s

    chapter19becarefulhadvice67

    chapter20thepoientlistening70

    ileandlaugh72

    chapter22bequicktopraise75

    chapter23usethe“actasif”principle78

    chapter24yousayandho83

    chapter25thelookaside86

    chapter26theartofspeakingslowly88

    chapter27theeloquenceofsilence92

    chapter28excessivefillersarecharillers95

    chapter29gpeoplehyourvoice97

    chapter30beagionalist101

    chapter31steertheion104

    ework107

    chapter33keeptheballintheirurt112

    chapter34dont“killtheball”115

    chapter35getiheotherperson118

    chapter36practicekesperfect121

    chapter37translateskillintoart123

    chapter38noodoit125

    127

    specialboion:

    thepooelephone129

    index135

    abouttheauthors137

    introdu

    yousthavethisadeof

    everythingandofnothing,thestrivinghelook,thewalk,

    theproportionsofthebody,thesoundofthevoice,theease

    ofthegestures.itisnotatallnee

    ortobepretty;allthatisneedfulischar

    sarahbehardt

    fully85pertofyoursuccessinbusinessandpersonal

    lifeinedbyyourabilitytonicate

    effectivelyhothers.“socialintelligence,”or

    theabilitytoi,nverse,iateh,andpersuade

    others,isthesthighlypaidandrespeof

    intelligenceyouhave,andthisintelligenbe

    developed.

    youing

    individualjustbypraunication

    thodsandteiquesusedbythestiial

    andeffectivepeopleinouroday.

    the“seunicatorsaresat

    1

    thepo

    all.theyaresilyproventhodsofiingh

    othersihepentoyouaive

    te.asaresult,theyarereobe

    influenyou,toeobusiness

    andpersoionshipshyou,andtothinkofyouin

    positiveter.

    yourabilitytobeg,tobeagenuinelylikable

    andpleasantperson,oredoorsforyou

    thananyotherquality.therepeoplelikeyouandthink

    ofyouly,theretheytoseeyou,listento

    you,beinyourpresendinviteyouintotheirs.

    inthehundredsofspeechesothe

    thousandsofpeoplerained,edly

    said,“thestvaluabledityinthe

    goldordiandsitschar”yourreputation,howpeople

    thinkandtalkaboutyouthere,is

    yourstvaluablepersonalandprofessionalasset.itis

    thesuotaloftheiressionyoukeonotherswhen

    theyspendtiinyourpresence.

    byleaingthesiletruthsaboutdpractig

    theteiquesthatfolloatically

    irovetheeffeentofyouriions

    ilyaending

    toeveryoneyouet.

    youoresuoney,getproted

    faster,keresales,prevailiiations,

    andberepersuasiveandiialheveryone

    youet.

    chapter1

    ile,

    heuldcharbirdoffatree.

    seyurst.john

    listentothedesbysoonewho

    didnotexpectitandyhavebeeanttoits

    effebing:

    heprojeontfoeachperson

    het.

    ...

    栗子网  www.lizi.tw台湾小说网  www.192.tw栗子小说    m.lizi.twheexudedth;heseedangenuinely

    iedinlikingyou,andnotnceedhheroot

    youlikedhihouchofthatuch

    developedilyspeculate.alliknohatihat

    briefing,totallychardbyapersoher

    agreedhnoreveedtolike.

    thesererksarebyprofessionalspeakerrk

    sanbo,ntiingpresidentbillton.

    3

    thepo

    alkingabouttable

    nners,goodlooks,orbeingasnappydresser;alking

    aboutsothingis

    sothingthatgoesbeyondreappearasthatability

    sopeoplehavetocreateextraordinaryrapportthat

    kesothersintheirpresenhas

    anengagingqualitytohwerespondpowerfullyand

    etionally,alstinstinctively.

    natureourture

    youghtbesayingtoyourself,“butyouhavetobebo

    ,andifyourenot,youreoutofluck”weused

    tobelievethattoo,butinallthehatwehave

    researched,experintedh,andtaughttheartand

    unication,wehavefound

    chevidehentrary.

    theresionthatsopeoplearenaturally

    g,anadvachars

    notsostigredientthatisfoundinenes.

    ostofus

    knoeanscharanbe

    leaed.

    inthepagesahead,youea

    pletelyagicattra

    andi.

    yourtoolsforgothers

    frooasapersonalityquality

    andskillyouing

    peopledoahekindofpersonthatg

    peopleare.

    chapter2

    a

    charaqualitythatexertsaible

    poopleaseandattract.

    thediary

    ronardeesthispersonalstoryasatestant

    tothepo:

    ityahe

    poreallytookroot.afriendofoursinlos

    angelesphooioareception

    forivanberoldandhisaryaheyhad

    ree

    devilandagoodaeoneihadknown

    durierdaysinsouthafrica.

    ethatsaturdayafteoonand

    5

    thepo

    joihecroilling

    aroundthebarand,ofurse,ivanandryanne.we

    greetedeachotherlyahefourofusproceeded

    to“fillup”attheinvitingbuffettables.

    laterthatafteoonisaalkingto

    eaydear,norllylevelheaded

    edentrancedbyhiithought,“

    ohisgoingonshesbehavinglikeateenybopper.”

    anirrationalpangofjealousyshhandihurried

    overtojointhe

    thepoion

    soonafter,isaidtonicky,“issofasatingabout

    ivanthatyoulookedsrizedbyhi

    shethoughtforantandsaid,“whenhespeaks

    toyou,itsasthoughyoureinaon.noone

    existsiyou.andens,

    helistensasthougheveryportantand

    needshisundividedattention.”

    houghtaboutit,irealizedsheely

    right.eversinceivekno,hehasdisplayedthat

    saquality

    ntinuously.thatsuchaladysn

    andverysn,too.

    alifelongileadstothesesilerules

    thoughthiseventhappehantyyearsago,

    ireeritlikeitydearwife

    rends,firstdeepiinchareedtohappen

    aboutthen.

    a

    andigreaboutstudyingaifying

    thebehaviorsthatallpeopleofcharse.iquestioned

    nyoftheseindividualstogetanideaofhohey

    feelabouttheiriaothers.ohefasating

    thingsidisveredgetgreat

    pleasureingivingotherspleasure.

    isetaboutredugihadleaedintoidentifiable

    andnageablelessons,eachlessonhavingitsoof

    silerulesandteiquesthatareeasytouand

    andjustaseasytoleaandtodo.

    briantradihavesuccessfullytrainednyothers

    tousetheseskills,herforprofessionalorsocial

    reasons,andnooo,leahoontrolthe

    dynacsofyouropapeople.onceyoudisver

    ho,youllhaveatyour

    disposalohestvaluableelentsforsuccess

    hoakepeoplefeellikeallion.

    yourtoolsforgothers

    thinkofthestgpersonyouknohe

    personsbehavior.trytoidentifyhedoeswhenbeing

    g.chtheeffectithasonothersanduse

    youobserveaivationtobee,inyour

    oodelg,persuasive,and

    adrable.

    chapter3

    do

    charscaptivating.justasthepetalsofaflowerunfoldand

    opentothethandlightofthesun,sodoweunfold

    aheen.charctsasthe

    greatattracticsource.

    thokoza,a20thturyan

    thoseusuallygetlisteoand

    ofteraces.theyaregivenopportunities

    othersy.theybefivenforthingsothers

    oldthingsthatothers

    yneverhear.peoplekeex,goout

    oftheir,andalthebeof

    thedoubt.letsfaceit,youprobablyknoeonewho

    8

    do

    hasreachedyouinaverypellingandprofoundfashion.

    ifso,youvebeenonthereeones

    charffensive.

    feelinglikeallion

    atsotiorasoonewhohas

    thetalenttos.they

    seedtotrulylikeyou.theyvaluedyouropinion.they

    devotedalloftheirattentiontoyouandnobodyelse.

    hey,

    notteradeyoufeelas

    thoughyouostfasatingandiortantperson

    theydevert.youtotallysuspendedcriticaljudgnt

    forthepleasureoftheirpany.doyoureer

    hoillion.

    thinkpower

    thereisinbeingabletokeso

    ...

    台湾小说网  www.192.tw栗子网  www.lizi.tw台湾小说网  www.192.twbody

    feelself.itsunlitedgreat

    politicalleadersnurtureit,successfulbusinesspeoplecultivate

    it,andfauseainersexploitit.nearlyeveryone

    charandanyone

    btheladdertosuccessshoulddevelopit.

    anytianywhere

    ifyouocreatethatspecialfeelingforothers

    anyti,anyhinkthat

    giftghtbeinyourpersonallifeandyourbusiness

    e.whenyouhave

    thepoakepeoplefeelspecial,therewardsareusually

    closebehind.

    thepo

    yourtoolsforgothers

    decidetodaythatyoingtodevelopthepowerof

    dpracticeitinyourrelationshipshothers.

    thisdecisionoallthethingsyoudoto

    keotherpeoplefeelselves.

    asureyourcurrent“charuotient.”giveyourselfa

    gradefrootenonhoingyoubelieveyou

    arealready,eone

    youkhatperson

    assignstoyouisthetrue

    asure.

    noingyourselfintenuinelyandpoingperson.

    chapter4

    hoo

    yone

    theydontcarehouchyouknoil

    theyknouchyoucare.

    louholtz

    psychologiststellusthatthereofpersonalityis

    selfesteethishasbestbeendefinedas“houch

    youlikeyourself.”yourselfesteesthesuotalofhow

    iortantandvaluableyoufeelyouareatanynt.

    hunbeingsareinteional.theyke

    deotionallyandthenjustifytheogically.

    peoplearepootionalenvironnt,

    especiallythebehaviorofotherpeopleto.

    11

    thepo

    fronfancy,youarenditioobehypersensitive

    totheasaionsofyourparentstowardyou.

    often,thedynacsoftheseearlyexgessetyouupfor

    lifeinyourrelationshipshothers.

    alsteverythingyoudoinvolvingothersiseitherto

    bolsteryourselfesteeyourinnersenseofwellbeing,or

    toproteinishedbyotherpeopleorcirces.

    these

    thedeepestannatureistheofeel

    valuedandvaluable.theseisthereforesile:

    keothersfeeliortant.

    fiveing

    thereiortantyoukepeoplefeelinyourpresence,

    theregtheyobe.

    fortunately,akepeoplefeelwonderful

    abouttheelves.thesekeybehaviorsbesuarized

    inthefiveas:airation,

    andattention.

    1.

    acceptahegreatestgiftthatyougiveother

    peopleistheattitudeof“unnditionalpositiveregard.”

    thatis,youacceptthentheirey,itation.

    younevercriticizeorfindfault.youaretotallyaccepting

    ofeverythingabouttheasiftheyiracleof

    nature.thisisthestartingpointofbeingg.

    andhopleteacceptais

    sile.yousleilehhappiseeing

    people,theirselfesteeusautotically.theyfeel

    hoanyone

    happyabouttheelves.theyfeeliortantandvaluable.

    andtheylikethepersonakihis

    ing,evenbeforeyouopen

    youruth.

    2.

    appreciation.ionto

    othersforsothingtheyhavedone,slle,their

    selfesteenportant.

    theyfeelrepetentandcapable.theirself

    igeirovesandtheirselfrespectsoars.

    andherthishers

    itissile.yousay“thankyou”oneveryoccasion,

    foranylargeorsllreason.youkeahabitofthanking

    everyoneinytheydo.thank

    yoursecretaryforherhankyourspouseforhis

    help.thankyourchildrenforanythihatyou

    appreciate.

    hereisthedoublepayoff:ileorsay

    thankyoutoanotherperson,notonlydoesthatpersons

    selfesteendfeelingofiortanceju,butsodoes

    yours.youaoreeverytiyoudoor

    sayanythingthatselves

    re.

    andthereyoulikeyourself,thereyouwillgenuinely

    likeandoreyoulikeyourself,

    thelessnceedyouheryouare

    kingagoodiression,andtherenaturallyg

    youe.

    3.

    approval.itissaidthat“babiesendiefor

    it.”throughoutlife,allhunshaveadeepsubnscious

    needforapprovaloftheiraents.

    noauntofapprovaleversatisfiesf.theneedis

    ongoing,liketheneedforfooda.peopleon

    thepo

    tinuallyseekopportuoexpressapprovalaree

    heygo.

    perhapsthebestdefinitionofapprovalis“praise.”this

    subjeportantthatebacktoitlater.

    justreer,herpeoplefor

    sothingtheyhavedoheirselfesteeselevated.

    theyfeelselves.andtheyfindyou

    tobereiing,perceptive,highlylikable,and

    extrelyg.

    4.

    adration.asabrahainlnsaid,“everybody

    likesaplint.”ere

    plintaboutatrait,possession,oracplishnt,

    theyautotiselves.

    theyfeelaoheyfeelvaluable

    andiortant.theyliketheelvesre,andthey

    likeyoure.

    plintapersononanarticleofclothing.

    plintsoorait,likepunctualityorpersistence.

    plintthepersononhavingwonanaward

    oraentforsllthingsaswellas

    large.alethingtoplint,and

    eaething,theotherpersonwilllike

    youreandfindyoutobeg.

    5.

    attention.thisisperhapsthestiortantquality

    ofall,andhesubjectofseveralsubsequentchapters.

    itisthestpowerfulbehaviorforbuildingself

    esteendisthekeytoinstantcharlose

    attentiontootherpeople,therevaluableandiortant

    theyoretheywilllikeyou.

    hoanyone

    thesearethefivestpobuilding

    toolseverdisvered.asyousterthehroughpractice,

    youeohestgandiial

    peopleinyoursocialandprofessionalcircle.

    yourtool

    ...

    栗子网  www.lizi.tw小说站  www.xsz.tw栗子小说    m.lizi.twsforgothers

    theiyouetynifitotheroreven

    sooneyouagine

    thath

    yousharednyoftheiortaionalexperiences

    ofyouryounglife.butyearspassedandyoulost

    touch.youhadnoideawhereyourfriendhadgone.

    oneday,aybe

    youareatasocialfun,suddenlythereheisyouare

    shoories

    andaffe.yoursupandallyou

    thinkis,“itsyou”

    hisperson.youfeelexcited

    anddelightedandgratefulaionalallatthesa

    ti.

    noeyouetapersonorpersonswhoare

    iortanttoyou,especiallylovedonesordearfriends,

    createthissafeelingandactasifyouareredisvering

    thefteratoolongabsence,asify,

    “thereyouare”treatthesespecialpeopleasifseeing

    theakesyouincrediblyhappy.slea

    thefo.treatthesif

    theyostiortantpersonihis

    nt.notterheyare,theyhinkthatyou

    areanincrediblygperson.

    chapter5

    thegic

    oflistening

    raptattentionisthehighestforfflattery.

    dalecaegie

    yourabilitytolistenion

    uchasanyotherskill

    youdevelop.ohestiortantqualitiesofa

    leaderistheabilitytogatherinfortionbyaskiions

    andlisteningcloselytopeoplehavetosay.

    danielgolen,authorofetionalintelligencluded

    thatyourabilitytoionallyhpeople,

    youreq,isasvitaltoyoursuccess,andperhapseven

    reso,thanyouriq.hedefihestiortant

    16

    thegiflistening

    qualityofeqas“eathy,”ortheabilitytobeawareof

    aivetopeoplesayandtheyreally

    an.

    hoyhasdefined

    thisqualityas“socialintelligence,”edat

    theoutsetofthisbook,isthehighestpaidandst

    respeofintelligenoursociety.andfortunately,

    itbeleaedjustbybeingagoodlistener.

    fourkeystoeffectivelistening

    everybook,artiately

    estothesas

    ofeffeastertheyour“charbr >

    quotient”diately.

    1.

    listeively.listenhoutinterrupting.listen

    iesilence,asifthereisnothingi

    isreiortanttoyouatthisntthanthe

    otherpersonissaying.

    ifsoonee,

    iediatelydisntinueallotheractivitiesandgivethat

    personyourpleteattention.

    tuoffthetelevision,shutthebookoeer,and

    focussinglendedlyoherpersonissaying.

    thisbehaviorantlyregnizedandappreciated,

    andendousetionalpoheion.

    tolistenasifyouaretransfixedbytheotherperson

    issaying,igihatyoureyesaresunlasandyou

    aregivingthepersonsfaceatan.

    thepo

    entlylisteobyanother,heis

    affeically.hisbrainreleasesendorphins,

    natures“happydrug,”akeshieelgoodabout

    hielf.hisselfesteeoesupandhelikeshielfre.

    aboveall,helikesandtrustsyourebyvirtueofyour

    listeningatteohithepayoffisextraordinary.

    2.

    pausebeforereplying.ratherthanjuinginassoon

    astheotherpersontakesabreath,pauseforthreetofive

    sends.allooexist.justrelax.

    good.first,youavoidinterruptiherpersonifheis

    justpausingtahoughtsbeforentinuing.

    send,bypausing,youtellthepersonthathesaid

    portantandthatyouarensideringitcarefully.

    thisreinforcesthepersonalvalueofthespeakerandcauses

    hioseeyouasareattractiveandintelligentperson.

    third,youactuallyheartheperson,notonlyhe

    said,buteant,atadeeperlevelofnd.tryit

    ondsee.

    3.

    questioyouknow

    exactlyeantbyhesaid.instead,

    helphioexpandonhisstretrerkbyasking,

    “hoean”or“ealy”

    hereisohestiortantrulesofnication:

    thepersonionshasntrol.

    thepersonanshequestionsisntrolledbythe

    personaskingtheersonisspeakinginanswer

    toaquestion,fully100pertofhisfodattentionis

    onheissaying;heotthinkofanythingelse.he

    istotallyntrolledbythequestioner.

    thegiflistening

    thetriingsoohisteiqueisto

    askyourquestionsthoughtfully.allgreatnicators

    knohisaregularly.

    4.

    feeditback;paraphraseitinyourohe

    acidtestofeffectivelistening,theproofthatyouwerereally

    payingattention,insteadofengaginginthe“phonylistening”

    thatissontoday.

    ersonfinishesspeaking,youpauseandsay

    sothinglike,“so,youjustdidthis,ahishappened,

    andthenyoudecidedtodothat,right”

    onlysthatshesaid

    andantdoyountiherbyaskinganotherquestion

    orntingonhasjustbeensaid.

    enareeners

    ingeneral,enareexcellentlistenersalready.whena

    annicates,agtoiss,fullyseven

    en,itisonlytwo.

    noftenlistenhalfheartedlytoen,especiallyif

    thetelevisionison.thatsbecausenlyprocess

    onesensoryinputatati.theyple,both

    eoneelsespeaking,

    enoreeasily.

    theantaninhis

    lifeisnottolistentoheran

    hasheardtheanaccuse,angrily,“yourenotlisteningto

    ”

    thetypi.”

    thenshehasyou.shefoldsherarandasksdendingly,

    “allright,then.didijustsay”

    thepo

    itisonlyifhefeeditbacktohereaccuracy

    thatsheknohatheening.

    foryoutobeeapletelygperson,you

    stleatosterthetei

    ...

    栗子网  www.lizi.tw台湾小说网  www.192.tw栗子小说    m.lizi.twquesoflisteningespecially

    ifyouarean.developingthiskeyskillakediscipline

    aernationatfirst,butiteeasy

    andautotiverti.

    listeninghadifference

    effectivelisteninganslisteninghadifferesnot

    the“lendyourearandilltellyouastory”typeoflistening;

    rather,itsaboutnvingpeopleyouaretotally

    involvedinisbeingsaid.

    ronon

    ireeronehe

    hostessofaparty.sheation

    tosooneunfaliarto.,shecrossed

    overtoandsaid,“doyouknot,that

    delightfulnitalkingto”ididnt.“well,hes

    ohestet,and

    agreationalistintelligent,articulate,and

    asingyoustethi

    iniled.“agreationalist,intelligent,

    articulate,andasing,”shesaid.as

    edtoutterrethanawordor

    theiced,agreatlistener.andinso

    being,heabsolutelychardhishostess.

    thegiflistening

    yourtoolsforgothers

    trytheseeffectivelisteningteiqueslistening,pausing,

    askingthoughtfulquestions,andparaphrasingone

    atati.beginbypractigatteeningatho

    andatpttointerrupt.justhangon

    theotherpersonseveryword.

    practitrollinganddiregtheionby

    usingthesevariousteiques.youlldisveryou

    nicateredeeplyinutes

    byaskiionsandlisteningcloselytotheanswers

    thanyouuldinseverale.

    chapter6

    g

    aan

    ifgoddeanythierthanagirl,doverthought,

    hesurekeptittohielf.

    nelsonalgren,ahewildside

    nandenaredifferent,ihan

    theobvious.

    ohestiortantappliisto

    besensitiveandattractivetotheeninyourworld.

    enlovening.theytobeh

    thestantly.

    tobegtoen,youhavetouandhow

    theythinkandfeel.youstthensayanddothethingsthat

    affectthetionallyifyoutolikeyou.

    22

    gaan

    stensprirysourceofpersonalvalueand

    selfesteesfrohequalityoftheirrelationships

    portantpeopleintheirlives.theypla

    evenhigherehasisthannonoute

    andonhoheyareperceivedaedbyothers.

    threedeepneedsofeveryan

    thestpoportaionalneedsofst

    enareaffe,attention,andrespect.theyjudgeother

    peoplebytheir,andbytheir

    nfidendpetehe

    extealappearandlookintotheheartoftheperson

    theyaretalkingto.

    theaanisbybeingtotally,100pert

    captivatedbyherasaperson,andbyeverywordshe

    says,houtinterruptingorstoppingherfloion.

    justastandlookinto

    eachotherseyes,soshouldyouallopletely,

    totallyfasatedbytheanyouaretalkingto

    andyou.

    talkless,listenre

    aedieherapist.i

    gettotalknonstopaboutselfforanhour,justlikean

    onafirstdate.”thisisalltootrue.

    iheiyouareanyoucare

    about,resistthetetationtotalkabout

    yourselfasifyourdayostfasatisince

    jesusheearth.rather,askherquestionsabout

    herselfandherday,aboutherlifeandhernces,and

    thepo

    thenlistelyandatteotheanswers.shewill

    findyoutobeg.

    brianonlisteningaioning

    so,ookanattractive

    younganouttodihroughoutthedinner,i

    askedherquestionsaboutherself.atacertainpoint,she

    openedupandtoldaboutaparticularlysadthingthat

    hadhappeoher.

    iovedbyherpainatrecallingtheeventthati

    sosorrythathappeoyou,”isaid.and

    ireallyantit.inutes

    ojustrelaxin

    prese.

    itygenuine

    nceforherfeelingsandherexperiencecreateda

    poweenus.

    toiressortobeiressed

    eadof

    talkingaboutyourselfandtryingtoiressher,be

    iressedbyher.askherquestionsandtalktoherabout

    herhopesandnces,herbackground,hergoalsand

    desires.talkandlistenasifyoufiobethestfasating

    perso.

    thereyouareiressedbyher,byherideasand

    opinions,heroreibr >

    gaan

    pressedshehyou.sheobe

    absolutelyg.

    yourtoolsforgothers

    seleagine

    thatsheisthestiingandfasatingperson

    youhaveevert.treathereurtesyand

    respect.hangonhereveryionsandlisten

    closelytotheansanenurage

    hertospeakhoutinterruptingortalkingaboutyourself.

    theiyouetaanyoulike,practicethe

    saskillsofacceptance,appreciation,andapproval.askher

    aboutherethingtobe

    iressedabout,oreventobeazedby.thewonderof

    thesebehaviorsisthatthereyoupracticethethe

    reiingandfasatingyourulyfio

    be.andsheing.

    chapter7

    g

    an

    therearethreeenloversof

    ,loversofhonor,lain.

    plato

    naresu,likeputtyinyour

    hands.froongexperienareoften

    suspianing,knowing

    thathe,beingan,yhaveulteriortives.n,on

    theotherhand,areed,if

    youdht.

    heirgreatestsenseofvalueandiortance

    frochievent,status,andtherespectofthekeypeople

    iivatedtho

    26

    gan

    thebanandprovidefortheelvesandtheirfalies.this

    isagea

    ...

    栗子小说    m.lizi.tw台湾小说网  www.192.tw台湾小说网  www.192.twity.son

    neverrest.notterhouchtheyhaveacplished,

    theyfeelinsecure;theyfeelasiftheystacplishre.

    nhavepsychologistscall“insecurityofstatus.”

    nyoftheaveadeepdohat

    everythingtheyhaveacplisheduldbetakenaway

    frohetanynt.theystntinuallyachieve

    reaterplishedin

    thepast.

    thekeytanissile.askhiuestions

    andappreents.aowledge

    andregnizehiorhisplishnts.be

    iressedhheisdoingandhehasdone.he

    ing.

    brianonpraisingacplishnts

    ysonchaelehoone

    dayfroontessorischoolhahappylookonhis

    face.iaskedhi“hooday”

    hebeadatandreplied,“teaethat

    shee.”hetheed,asifit

    portant,“shee.”

    iiediatelyreghattheteacherhadhitaional

    ichaelthatiuldstrikeas

    thatdayforychildren,“i

    aeallyproudofyou,”heydidanything

    eisaidthese

    elevatedtheirselfesteendsenseofpersonalvalue.

    asabusyprofessionalspeaker,ietthousandsofpeople

    eaeaboutso

    thepo

    thinghehasacplished,isaysothinglike,“you

    stbeveryproudofthat.”n,especially,aredeeply

    affectedhowproud

    theyareofsoaoving

    andg.

    enneed

    narechardethattheyarecapable

    ofsucceedingandproviding.

    ilesatan,itkeshiappy,

    reinfhisselfesteendkinghieelre

    seiration

    forhisacplishntsshisheartandcauseshibr >

    toseeyouasarerkablyperceptiveperson.

    aalks

    andexplainshish,practigallthe

    listeningskillsshehasleaedinthisbook,hewillfindher

    absolutelyfasating.

    youoftenseeanordinarylookinganhagoodlooking,

    successfulnandsay,“iheseesin

    her”

    theans”whenaan

    looksintoanseyesandseesavaluableandiortant

    person,hefindsherirresistible.heisabsolutelychard.

    yourtoolsforgothers

    seleasilequestion

    like,“hohinggoingatwork”whenhe

    aion,asifhis

    responseelyfasating.

    gan

    whenhesloopsspeaking,o

    testheryouarereallyied,follohone

    ofthesequestions:“happehen”or“did

    youdosaytheiediatelybegin

    speakingagain,oreofanopportunityto

    listenandappreciatehisacplishnts.

    chapter8

    gfrohe

    iandfrobr >

    theoutsidein

    thefundantalruleoftheageofatter

    atterspeoplethinkyouare.

    lancerrow

    noingpeople,

    ofaffegthetadeepetionallevel,lets

    lookatthereasonshatyoubetter

    practicetheteiquesinthisbooktobeeeven

    betteratgettingyouroway.

    iheater,therearetoag:

    30

    theoutsidein

    theariapproach,oas“i,”

    andtheeuropeanapproach,sidein.”using

    thearithod,actintheinga

    characterinaplayfropsychologicalpointofviehey

    searselvesthataresilar

    tothoseoftheilarities,the

    actorbuildsoutocreatealltheattitudes

    andbehaviorsofthepersonheorsheually

    portray.onedrahisapproach:actorsareforced

    tospendagreatdealoftinvingtheelveshnuaraheyhers.

    intheselfiroveherearenyi

    equivalents:olookinsideourselves

    forthesourcesofourbehaviorsanduand

    hatby

    gingthehinkontheinside,hange

    theetisitetis

    itdoesnt.

    theeuropeanapproach

    erusingtheeuropeanapproach,

    actinbycreatihecharacters

    theyagihehecharacters

    oves

    inhepsychologicalreasons

    forthebehaviorsofthepersonbeingplayed.

    thisdeviproventarena.by

    gingourextealbehaviorsothers

    feelandalsoance,ifyou

    behaveasthoughyouarehappyorexcitedyouwillprobably

    nvihersthatyouarehappyaed;butanadded

    bonusisthatyou,too,ofeelhappyorexcited.

    thepo

    thepohasbeentenasanoutsidein

    book.init,hhoeal

    behaviorbydevelopingandusiainskillsskillsthat

    giveyountrolofthepersonaligethatyouothers

    tosee.iselves.

    rononanuion

    anoldfriendofours,letscallherriacatovisit

    ustoapologizeforheroutburstatdinnerafes

    before.herodsionswerelegendary.

    shentiohatshehadbeehesapsychiatrist

    forsevenyears.“sevenyears,”eywife

    nicky.“thatsaayhany

    shrink.”

    “tell,afterallthatti,doyouthinkyouvegotyour

    neysh”iasked,hprovokedanicyglare

    froywife.

    “thoughtforant,“yesandno.i

    uailltreally

    ntrolself.soivebeenthat,

    eandneyhasbeenhit.”

    sheseedquitedejectedaedasshesat

    there.

    nickysaid,“haveyoueverthoughtaboutgingto

    aherapistweknoializes

    inbehavioralproble.wouldyoubeoh

    ...

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    achat,heghtbeabletohelp”

    riayaswell”

    andshesighed“ivenothingtolose.”

    orseeherforsoti.thenone

    eveningshecalled.ianshephone.

    theoutsidein

    “hello,ron,thisisria”

    “riahowareyou”

    “ingalongfine,”shereplied.

    “happehepsychologist”iasked.“didyou

    evercallhi

    “yes,idid,”shesaid,“ivebeenseeinghiorafew

    heresalreadyquiteadifference.s

    iingisthathereallydoesntbothertooch

    aboutostlyratesonhowi

    behavedifferently.”

    onthslater

    andthegeonishing.thekindofthingsthat

    anoa

    nohanyoneradictedherwerenow

    ignored.sheobeh.

    ehege,shetoldus,“itsnot

    onlythatiybehaviootters

    goingoniidoasagitatedasiused

    to.iveleaedthaty

    agitation.”

    rateonbehavior

    riastoryisanfirtionofthediffereween

    “i”and“outsidein”asitappliedtoeveryday

    life.itsafaohingsdoesnot

    autoticallyanthatyoukno.if

    youreallyge,thewhyand

    ratereonthehoisofteneasierandfaster

    forustothe

    inside.

    thepo

    behavioriseverything

    togobapleatthebeginningofchapter1,do

    youthinkthatbilltoedin

    rksanbo,orth,hisutter“inthe

    nt”focus,acultivatedbehaviorareally

    tterregardlessofsgoingoninyourhead,

    youareultitelyjudgedbyisyourbehavior.ifyoubehave

    asthoughyouhate,thenyouhate;ifyoubehaveasthough

    youlove,thenyoulove;ifyoubehaveasthoughyoucare,

    youcare.

    peoplebasedonhoheyperceiveusto

    behave,notteraybe.

    yourtoolsforgothers

    dontuchaboutgingthehink

    andfeelinside,beetoshow

    anyiroventorresults.instead,rateon

    behavilyasifyouingperson.

    ing

    ontheinside,aaglyoside.

    seleingandthink

    abouthohatpersosothersiion.try

    todothesathingsthatpersondoesalkto

    others.

    chapter9

    thepowerof

    attention

    ourpanionspleaseuslessfrohecharheir

    ionthanfrohosetheyfindinours.

    fulkegreville

    hereisassureisfaliartost

    everyone,particularlyatthebreakfastordinner

    table.itsoundssothinglikethis:

    she:“youarentlisteningto”

    he:“yesia

    she:“noyourenot”

    he:“itellyouia

    she:“iellingyouyourenot”

    35

    thepo

    he:“iairepeateverydawordyousaid”

    she:“idontgiveadaifyou.youarentlistening

    to

    isthatevenifhehas100

    pertrecall,heisfailingtonvihatheisgiving

    herhisundividedattention.

    undividedattention

    charequiresundividedattentionespeciallyening.

    unlessyoureatalecture,reering

    soonesaysisonlyapartoflistening.ifyourattitude

    seetobesaying,“idontcareenoughtobothertoreact

    toyou”ifnothinginyourbehaviornfiryouarelistening

    youarebeingalousylistener.iftherearentany

    signalsingfroouthatsayyourepayingattention

    youarentlistening

    goodrelationships,hersocialorprofessional,are

    builtonnyqualities,butnothingisasiortantas

    beingperceivedasbeiheticlistehebetter

    listeneryouare,therevaluableyouareinaionship.

    buthoebodyislisteningh

    pleteattention

    youdogreatlistenersdoyousignalthatyouare

    listening.yourbehaviorandbodylanguageshouldsay,“i

    aotallyfocusedonyouaresaying;everywordyou

    utterisofextreiortao.”

    thoseed“atteeners.”

    thosearecalled“iivelisteners.”

    thepotentiiveaoentsandassurances

    othesesignalsas“aoentsandreassurances.”

    atteenersusetheoaohe

    otherpersonspresendreassuretheheyaretotally

    involvedioflistening.atteenersproject

    that“i”focusthatkespeoplefeelspecial

    andiortant.thereofthesesignalsyoupractice,the

    regyouear.

    yourtoolsforgothers

    theiyouarenversingeone,kea

    specialefforttoaohatpersonthat

    youarefullyeheionandinvolvedin

    heissaying.facethepersolyarate

    onhiseyouwilleversee

    hileahoosignaltothepersonthatyouarepaying

    attention.

    chapter10

    thefirstsignal:

    eyentact

    anounceofdialogueisonologue.

    anonyus

    hoeoneislisteningto

    youthefirstiortantsignaliseyentact,pure

    andsile.ifsooneisnotlookingatyou,thatpersonis

    notlisteningtoyou.

    hoanytishaveyouthought,orperhapssaid,

    particularlytoyourchildren,“e

    talkingtoyou”doyouknoatingitiswhenpeople

    dontlookatyou,and

    houchrefortableyoufeelheydo

    38

    thefirstsigact

    briansrendedexperint

    hereisalittleexperintyoudotoillustratehow

    iortaactisinnighanother

    person.startoffbylookingstraightatthepersonto

    youaretalking,oralkingtoyou.then

    sloodriftaothedistano

    longerlookingatthepersonalking.

    thereadiate,asifyoujust

    pulledtheverbalunderhiheop

    talkingintheddleofasentenceassoonasyoustop

    lookingathiithappei.

    rononthepe

    ...

    栗子小说    m.lizi.tw栗子小说    m.lizi.tw栗子网  www.lizi.twrilsoflosiact

    inearlyaytrainingihada

    fenginstructorstanleyghan.hewasafine

    teaan.but

    onhisteaghatheerror.ideyouifyou

    alloostrayingor

    denstratingaparryorthrust.ingly

    attachedto,he

    lytakeyourjahe

    bonesinyourjaedtobecraguhepressure,

    heand

    gentlysay,“lookatspeakingtoyou

    please”iproseyou,afteraupleofthoserenders,

    ialwaysdid.

    lookdirectlyatthespeaker

    kedirecteyentact.thatsthebasiceoplewill

    knooreeyentactyougive,

    thereinvolvedyousee

    thepo

    houcheyentactisrightening,

    thereisnosuuch:ideally,itshouldbea

    hundredpert.ifyoulookaoooftenorfortoolong,

    youostcertainlytriggeegativereasinthe

    otherperson,b,hedoesnt

    like,”or“shesnotiedinihavetosay.”

    notonepositivethoughtiscreatedbypooreyentact.

    foryoutobeperustpractice

    excelleaing.

    yourtoolsforgothers

    iion,practicestaying“inthe

    nt.”ust“be

    there.”inuteoranhourhthe

    otherperson,disaintotallyfocused

    onthenoingifyourenotthere.

    resolvetodevelopthehabitofusingdirecteyentact

    eniasocialorbusinessoccasion

    oyou.astheyarespeaking,

    kesurethatyoureyesarelookingintotheireyes,not

    thebridgesoftheioses,theirforeheads,orbeyondtheir

    leftears.focusyourattention.trynottoalloras.

    doedtosuttherooookingfor

    reiortantordesirablepany.dohebaror

    foodtable.allotentiontobelongto

    thentiltheyfinishspeaking.

    praeh

    yourfalyaseyoufindyourselfpayingclose

    attentiontoothersnaturallyandeasily,youythen

    vefrooodeyentacttosuperioreyentact

    alust”fortheskilledcharr.thisbringsusto

    chapter11on“theflick.”

    chapter11

    thesendsignal:

    theflick

    thereasonouthisthat

    aylistenthereandtalktheless.

    zenoofathens,350b.c.

    ening,superioreyentact

    requiresanadditionalskillthatincreasesthe

    naturalnessofyoureyentact.italsohelpstoavoidthe

    possibilityofintidationthatinteaproduce.

    additionally,itsuggeststhedepthofyourinvolvent

    hthepersonandinsheorheissaying.itis

    called“theflick.”

    pleactofshifting

    41

    thepo

    yazefrohepersoheotherwhile

    youarelistening.ifyoutoseetheflia,the

    iyouregtelevisionandtheresalove

    seans

    eyes,tudohesound.asshegazesintohiseyes,

    hisoheother.he

    e.sheeatriangleofflicks

    betakinghereyentactvery

    intiteandverysensual.theireyeventtually

    tellstheouchtheirndsandfeelingsareactively

    engagedheachother.

    geeningversusphonylistening

    youhaveprobablyexperiehereverseofthistotal

    e.soonehasbeenlookingatyouandvery

    possiblykingahundredperteyentact,butyou

    khe

    otherpersonening.he

    listeningtoyou.hiseyeshadthatglazed,vatlook,

    diatelynfirdyoursuspihe

    reallyiedinyouoryouhadtosay.

    causedthatvatlookitsthelackofeyeactivity.

    thepersonseyesseedtobelockedinoneplace

    juststaringatyou.andthelongerhejustsatthere,the

    reunfortableandevenangryyoufelt.

    veyoureyes

    ifyoupeopletoseethatyouarelistening,youreyes

    stve.justlikeyousaoreeyeactivity

    thereis,thereyouobeinvolved.theless

    thesendsignal:theflick

    eyeactivity,thelessyouearinvolved,andwhere

    thereis

    atall.

    aperfeent”was

    thepresidentialdidateandpoliticalgadfly,rossperot.

    herwhenheeaking

    orlistening,herarelyvedhiseyes:henever

    seedtoblistared.thisglaringabsenceofeye

    activityindicatedhensideringanyotheropinions;

    heeritofwas

    beingsaid:hisndadeup.heerestedonly

    inheosay.

    yourtoolsforgothers

    oheartofproloact,

    beginathotopractidleatheteiqueofflig.

    theiyourelisteningtosoone,rate

    onshiftingyoureyesbadforthbetheireyes

    everynohen.dontoverdoit.youdontto

    appearasthoughyouvedevelopedaticaftersopractice,

    youhavetotrytoflickit

    happenbyitself.

    ifyouarenceedabouthoenyoushouldflick,just

    eoeener.

    observepeopleheyareeions

    atents,orevenontv.

    theheyusetheireyeswillgiveyouagoodsenseof

    isappropriate.

    eyeflicksareohebestsignalsthattellaspeakerthat

    shehascapturedyouri.nouslookatanother

    .

    chapter12

    thethirdsignal:

    headtilts

    selfnfidenceaddsretoionthan.

    larochefoucauld

    thetionsyoukehyourbodyandheadexert

    aninordinateinflueherpeople.

    evendogsknohistrick

    ifyouhaveadog,youprobablysotisfeelthatheis

    listeningtoyouandthatheuandsyou.thatiswhy

    theysaythatadogisfriend.thereisavaluable

    less

    ...

    栗子网  www.lizi.tw栗子网  www.lizi.tw台湾小说网  www.192.twontobeleaedfr.

    44

    thethirdsignal:headtilts

    rononhoolookinquisitive

    nyyearsago,unbeknoe,ky

    broughthoayoungpuppy.shehadntanttoignore

    inkingthisdecisiononherohadfallenin

    loveethatevening,

    bingo,thereshee,veryspotted

    daltianpuppy.cuteikdoosayhellojustat

    thentshejueduptosayhello.therewasan

    iediateandpainfulllisiouzzleand

    zzle.theresult:abrokenliplip.butregardless

    ofourfirsteting,asthedays,onths

    etheloveofbothourlives.

    entalkedtoherasthoughsheulduand.

    andiltherhead

    thishat.shelookedforallthehough

    sheulduandoureveryn

    seellsusthatthatisiossible,butshesurelooked

    asthoughshekneweweresaying

    ifyoudothesaandoccasionallytiltyourheadslightly

    toonesideasyoulistentosooellyousothing,

    itoreintense,inquiringlook.its

    asthoughyouarescrehtlyon

    thespeaker.ifyouusethisteiquehespeaker

    istalkingaboutsothihinksissignifit,you

    tentiveandinvolved.shehislittle

    gestureofyoursveryg.

    yourtoolsforgothers

    theisooalkingtoyou,especially

    isaboutsothingthatisiortanttoher,tryaslltilt

    ofyourheadtoeitherside.youghtevenpracti

    thepo

    frontofarrorbeforeyoutryitonaperson,justtosee

    holooks.

    heresanotherrule:tiltyourheadtolisten,straightenup

    tospeak.

    thehodsyouve

    leaedthusfar:usedirecteyentactheachpersonin

    everyion,flieyetoeye,andtilt

    yourheadtothelefthteoneisspeakingto

    you.

    theyareallpartofthesystefsignalsthatgreatlisteners

    usetosay,“iaotallyfocusedonyouresaying.”

    theyaresllbutverypoorsofthedepthof

    yourlisteningandthedegreeofyourinvolventina

    ion.

    chapter13

    thefourthsignal:

    headnods

    thatisthehappiestioion,

    novanity,butaents.

    saeljohnson

    headnoddingisanotherpoeiqueinlistening

    andappearinge

    peopletendtonodinstinctively;sodontnodvery

    chatall.ifyouchthereasofpeoplehey

    arelistening,youanbe.

    andenergyare

    draticallydinished.

    47

    thepo

    rononadding“noddies”toyourlistening

    teique

    atelevisioeroervieeinho.

    shearrivederanintoy

    offieantited,and

    shegaveasenseofightask.

    theerviewbegan.

    aseranwaskeeping

    theeandneveronher.i

    thought,“ifthisntinues,illendupbeingatalking

    head.itllbeallandjusthervoithebackground.”

    thatideadidntpleaseatall.

    an

    tofilerdoingavarietyofreas.ichedcuriously

    andtheniasked,“ions

    separately”shereplied,“iedtodotheinterview

    inyouroffidiulderas,oo

    beonyouandoneon.notothe

    inaltapeediting.”

    isthavelookedpuzzled,soshentinued,“ifit

    getbothofourreas,ihavenochoicebuttorerd

    theeparately.”shesledandsaid,“

    noddies.”

    isaid,“noddiesbuteacrossasphony”

    shelaughedandsaid,“no,notiftheyredonean

    proseyou,theviein

    theslightest.”

    nfession:isayselfandistsayi

    hohenticher“noddies”looked.

    thefourthsignal:headnods

    threeonod

    headnodsarestrongindicatorsofhoenselyyouare

    listeningandyouarethinkingandfeeling.thereare

    actuallythreedifferentkindsofheadnodstheslohe

    faster,andtheveryfast.eachhasitsoeaning

    andusefulness.stpeople.

    first,thereistheverysloeans,

    “iollothinkingaboutit.”theslowheadnod

    doesnotnecessarilyanthatyouagree.

    send,thereistheslightlyfasterheadnod,h

    says,“yht,iagree.”

    third,thereisthechfasterheadnod,hsays,“i

    agreeandixcitedbyhearing.”

    trytheutonyourfriendsaheresults.

    yourtoolsforgothers

    noddingsignalstootherpeoplethatyouare,friendly,

    andpayingattention.itsaniortaof

    chardevelopthehabitofnoddingandaowledging

    otherpeopleheyarespeaking.to

    nodandjustlistenoving,itbedising

    tostspeakers.

    chapter14

    thefifthsignal:

    wholebody

    language

    iion,keepinndthatyourereied

    inyouhavetosaythananyoneelseis.

    andrews.roone

    ed,hoionyourbody

    andthesignalsthedegreeofi

    youhaveinapersonspeakingandthepersonis

    saying.oeoisasthough

    youaresayinghyourbody,“ifindyoufasating;you

    aredraetoagicforce.”leaning

    aaysuggest,“iored,ithinkofadozenthingsid

    ratherbedoingthantalkingtoyou.”

    50

    thefifthsignal:wholebodylanguage

    everythingunts

    asaruleofthu,trytokeepyourued

    toheotherperson.ifyoucrossys,dosoh

    yourtoplegandkneepointingtoake

    sureyourarareunfoldedanduseyourhandsfor

    ehasisheseea

    clearpictureofopennessaivity.

    portanttonitorthe

    distaheotherperson.todecidehow

    chspaceisappropriate,checkyouroionswhen

    peoplegettooyou.thenapply

    youveleaedinpositioningyourselfhothers.ifaperson

    tendstoinchclosertoyou,thenyo

    ...

    台湾小说网  www.192.tw栗子网  www.lizi.tw台湾小说网  www.192.twuoofaraway;

    ifthepersooeaseayou,thenyouare

    invadinghisorherfortcircle.

    theunication

    igihreericcircles,hyouastheter

    point.thefirstcircleisabouttyoutothe

    otherperson.thisisthepersonalorintitespace,

    reservedforronticpartnersandfalyers.ifyou

    ihisspaceasabusinessorsocialacquaintance,you

    aketheotherpersondistinctlyunfortable.

    yourereaislikelytobethatthepersonistryingto

    intidateyoubygetting“inyourface.”

    thesendcircleistyouand

    isthespaceappropriateforsocialorbusinessacquaintances.

    ostand,sit,and

    talkhinthisdistanocloserandnofartheraway.

    thethirdcircleisfroightortehis

    isthecircleofprotecteddistanceorsafety,usedbetween

    thepo

    yourselfandstrangers.anysuddebysoone

    youdontknothisspatoyoursocialspace,

    closerthafeet,ealertand

    aware.

    roablishingafortzone

    alsareespeciallycarefulaboutkeepingtheir

    fortcirclesintact.yed

    nabia,ohespecialplacestogotoape

    crossontheskeletonast.hatatany

    giventitherearebetween250,000and350,000

    sealsbaskingonthebeainginthesea.

    hthebeachesliterallycarpetedhsealsasfarasyou

    uldseeignthestench,iting

    experien.asoved

    to,theyvedaopped;they

    stopped.ovedaupleofpaces;theyvedauple

    ofpaces.theyhada“fortzohathadtobe

    observed.thesaistrueforpeople:toocloseandwe

    intrude,eveen.toofarandacy.

    speakhyourbody

    heryouarestandingorsitting,ely

    tosayhyourbody,“ithinkyouaresayingis

    srizing,”leaninorveslightlyakesure

    youdontintrudeintothefortcircle.

    inoneveryfunnyepisodeofseinfeld,jerryrefersto

    elaiestdateasa“closetalker.”alksto

    anyoandssoclosethattheotherpersonliterally

    bendsbackryingtoavoidhisfacebeingintheirface.

    thiskindofpersonistryingtoohardandesoffas

    aggressiveandiive.

    thefifthsignal:wholebodylanguage

    yourtoolsforgothers

    theiyourespeakingeouyour

    ivethepersonyour

    pleteattention.

    ifyouaresittiohepersonasifyouare

    hangingoneveryouthandeyes,gently

    “flioheother

    ening.tryleaningslightlyforher

    thansittinguprightorleaningbackrossyour

    legs,dosohyourtoplegandkneepointingtohe

    otherperson.

    akesureyouareintaininga

    fortabledistaheotherperson.

    facethepersoly,standtofourfeetaway,and

    shiftyhtlyforotheballsofyour

    feet.thisventperceptibletotheotherperson,

    buthehatyouarefullyengagedh

    heissaying.rendyourselfbysayingtoyourself,

    “energyforward”

    aluedtoheperson

    speaking.

    unfoldyouraranduseyourhandsinanitedfashion

    whenyouspeak.

    ifpeoplearesayingsothingthatisiortantnifit,

    leanalittlefartherin.iftheysaysothingasing,

    relaxbysittingorleaningbackalittle.thenveba

    oreiy.

    allofthesesignalssuggestthatyouarefasatedby

    thepeopleyouaretalkingtoaresaying.theseteiques

    aketheeelheywillloveyou

    forit.

    chapter15

    thesixthsignal:

    bodylanguageto

    avoid

    friendshipisastrongandhabitualinationintwopersons

    toprotethegoodandhappinessofoher.

    eustacebudgell

    justaspositivebodylanguagedraticallyincreases

    your“charuotient,”therearecertainbodypositions

    thataffectpeopleiiveanypoorlisteners

    areguiltyoftheyouyientlybeusingthese

    undesirablepositionsyourself.ifso,youto

    avoidthesecharustersiure.

    54

    thesixthsignal:bodylanguagetoavoid

    poorlistenerskethestakeoftuingtheirheads

    toheyarespeaking,butallowing

    theirbodytobeinedathespeaker.thissuggests

    thatyoudontreallycareaboutthepersonis

    saying,butyourepretendingthatyoudo.

    poorlistenerssiththeirlegscrossedsothattheir

    toplegandkneepointsathespeaker,thereby

    appearingtoselvesofftothessage.

    aivessagethatdestroysanyceof

    yourbeinggispinyourchair,asif

    youthe

    speaker.ohebestouhisivetendency

    istositupstraightandnotallootouch

    thebackofthechair.

    oftenpeoplekethestakeoffoldingtheirar

    heyarelistening.thespeakerviehispostureas

    asheissaying.youavoid

    thisbykingsurethatyourarareunfoldedandyour

    handsareopen,tosignalhoy,siy,andgenuine

    i.

    observethebehaviorofothers.whenyouseeoneor

    reoftheseivesignals,thelisteellingyouat

    anunnsciouslevelthatheiseitheotiedin

    youaresaying,orheispletelyopposedtoit.inpersonal

    relationships,especiallyatho,thesentrarysignals

    yindicatethattheotherpersonisagitatedabout

    sothingelseandotpayattentiontoyouuntilthat

    issueisresolved.

    dr.alberthrabianofuductedasenal

    studyofnieyearsagoandncluded

    that,iofaversation,yourbodylanguagenveys

    55peressageyouaresending.yourtone

    ofvoiessage,and

    thepo

    theselvesareresponsibleforonly7pert.it

    isazinghohersreadyourbodylanguage

    anddrayou,eveniftheyarei.

    thatsustalyouare

    sayingbytheionyourbodyiion.

    ittusoutthatelyresensit

    ...

    栗子小说    m.lizi.tw小说站  www.xsz.tw栗子小说    m.lizi.twiveto

    bodylanguagethanaren.researchshohata

    anjoinasocialgatheringoffiftyuplesand

    assessthestateofeachoftheirrelationshipshinabout

    tennutesofenteringtherooanuldspend

    hoursinthesaroondhavenoideaening

    intherelationshipsoftheotheruples.

    rononntrollingyourbodysaystoothers

    ionceageached

    bruceebyhisotoey.it

    inhathis

    neployershadfraudulentlysrepreseheelves.

    heobedeposedonvideobyanotably

    aggressivedefeoey.tocheckouthowhewould

    doonvideo,hisattoeydidsoroleplaying

    aionedhisthoughheuallybeing

    deposed.hererdedtheresultandthenplayeditback.

    onelookandhecalledin.

    ideyohatpurpose,his

    attoeyhadsuppliedhalistofquestionsthat

    bruceghtfaceduriioning.whenhearrived,i

    sathioyvideocara.theniroleplayed

    beingtheopposingunselandined

    hint,ijustranthroughsoofthe

    questionstoseehoighteacrosstothejury.

    thesixthsignal:bodylanguagetoavoid

    theniplayedbatosee.itwasa

    realsho.

    brudressedinexpensive

    butnoightfittingclothes.therehehevideo

    nitor,sluedbahischair,hhisstraining

    bellyalstpoppionsoffhisshirt.herarely

    gedhispositioninanyped.even

    aspedbackathe

    cara.

    iplayedba,“letsbe

    objeberofthejury

    knoan,hoeacrosstoyou”

    hebeingastupidnandtriedtobetruthful

    abouthispersonalevaluation.“helooksalittleover

    andperhapsalittletoosureofhielf.idont

    thinkheakeagoodiression.”

    heihevideoandsaid,

    “infapression.”

    hetuedandlookedatandsaid,“ifyouwerea

    erofthejuryhoeacrosstoyou”

    houthesitatingisaid,“fatcatlaakesalotof

    ney,sg,arrogant,doesntgiveada.theyreall

    alikeillsho”

    thepointisthatbruecessarilyanyofthose

    things,buthisbodylanguageandtotaldeanorcreated

    thatiression.andthatshowhewouldbejudged.

    sothiobedone.

    alittle

    toavoidstraininghisbuttoned

    thepo

    jacket,satupright,softenedhisvoidevenleaned

    forhenasthoughheoanswer

    theirquestions.igefrobr >

    “thefatcat”to“thegentlegiant.”hease.

    sotispeoplefoldtheirarorslu,sily

    becauseitsfortabletodoso.iknowido.when

    yourehpeopleyoushouldalwaysbeawareofsignals

    thatydiately

    getheo,

    tobeustbeinntrolof

    akesureyouaresending

    outalltherightsignals.

    yourtoolsforgothers

    beaeandatwork.

    nsessageofth,

    heandstand.

    observethebodylanguageofotherstoseekindof

    ssagestheyaresending.tudoeonyour

    televisionandtrytoascertainthedifferentactorsare

    thinkingorsaying.

    chapter16

    theseventhsignal:

    vocalreassurances

    friendshipredoublethjoysandcuttethgriefsinhalves.

    forthereisnonthatiartethhisjoystohisfriend,

    buthejoyeththere;andnonthatiarteth

    hisgriefstohisfriend,buthegrieveththeless.

    francisban

    youicethatgood,activelistenersalways

    kelittlenoiseslike“uhhuh,”“aah,”

    “h,”orotherassortedsounds.thesearewe

    liketocall“vocalreassuraheyareclearindicators

    ofsooention.theyareeasily

    identifiedandchappreciatedbythespeaker.they

    inquotient.

    59

    thepo

    yourtoolsforgothers

    kereassuringsouiyoulistentoanother

    person.alloinctstoguideyouastoouse

    the

    bineyourvocalreassuranceshgoodeyentact

    andheadnodding.together,thesesignalstellaspeaker

    thatyouarepayingattentionandthinkingaboutshe

    issaying.iftheotherpersonstartstobeereintense

    orexcited,keyourvocalreassurancesalittlelouderto

    reflectthedegreeofyouri.

    chapter17

    theeighthsignal:

    verbalreassurances

    afriendisapersoniybesincere.

    beforehiiythinkaloud.

    ralpherson

    vo.butifyou

    biheverbalreassurances,youdouble

    theiriact.eyentact,flicks,bodyines,andhead

    nodsandtiltstogetherkeagreatiressiononpeople

    butoary,

    youbeeatotallygionalist.

    thefirsttypeofverbalreassuranittal

    t

    61

    thepo

    talbeeanthatyouagree

    hisbeingsaid.has“isee,”

    “really”or“hatso,”reassurepeoplethatyouare

    listeningandkeepinginstep,butyourein

    ral.nonttale

    reassurangeneralorcasualion.theyfill

    theairduringslltalkatcktailpartiesandothersocial

    events.

    tyourselfandto

    agreeorsupportisbeingsaid,youthenusewords

    andphrasessuchas“yes,houtquestion,”ree,

    absolutely,”or“youhitthenailrightonthehead,”andthelike.

    atthistiyoubeeanallyintheionyou

    havetakensides.beforeyouoffersutsthatnvey

    agreent,alhisisyoutodo.

    essingapersonsoneofvoicealso

    hasiaethingtokesoone

    elseangrythendeclaredyourinnocebysaying,

    “butionlysaidsudsuch.”usuallytheotherperson

    respoelybysaying

    ...

    栗子网  www.lizi.tw小说站  www.xsz.tw台湾小说网  www.192.tw,“itsnotyousaid;

    itsyourtoneofvoice.”

    yourtoolsforgothers

    introducevodverbalaoentsintoyour

    everydayions,especiallyhe

    phone.usevocalreassurances,orbasids,whenyou

    dontairal

    onasubjecludereverbals,thosespecific

    ent,toshowyouagree

    handsupportthespeaker.

    chapter18

    practicebeing

    gh

    friends

    treatyourfriendsasyoudoyourpictures,

    andplacethentheirbestlight.

    jenniechurchill

    youvehearditsaidthat“practicekesperfect.”

    thetruthisthatierfectpracticekesperfect.

    youstbeakeafeistakes,andfeelabit

    aes,ifyoingtosteranyskill,

    espe.theruleisthatanythingh

    doinghdoingpoorlyatfirst.

    todevelopyourcharuotientbybringingallyour

    63

    thepo

    nicationskillstogether,youshouldaskafriendto

    helpyou.thinkofthispersonasyoursparringpartner,

    youkestakesbeforeyougetintothe

    aunication.this

    typeofpractibebothofyou.

    beginbyexplainingyouaretryingtodo.explain

    toyourfrieasof

    listeninginbeingagionalist.

    duringthisexercise,yourfriendshouldbeseatedin

    frontofyou,asthoughyouarehavingacupofffee

    together.yoingtotrytoreacttoyourfriendsion

    houttalkingbackjustbylistening.then

    youllbeaskingyourpartnerforfeedbahouch

    youseedtobeinvolved.askyourfriendtoavoidasking

    questionsbutrathertotalktoyouatlength,aboutanything

    thatestond,ratherlikedeliveringanologue.

    alsopointout,attheverystart,thatyouareserious

    aboutleaingtheselisteningskillsanditwouldhelpyou

    alotifthereras,when

    practigthisexercise.hereswhy.

    ronontakinglisteningskillsseriously

    severalyearsagoea

    sangoinkalinsouthafrica.thatsthe

    zuluequivalentofasharainingwaslongand

    arduousandtookplaceoverthreeyears.becausewe

    livedinsandiegoforsixnthseachyear,shewas

    givenperssiontodividehertrainingintothreenth

    sessions.thesolenditionhatiwouldhelpher

    ntirainingafrica.

    theexercisethatilarto

    practicebeingghfriends

    “tuchreserious.itwas

    desigeachhertotrusthersensesandintuitionso

    thatsheuld“see”indseye.

    thesilaritytotheparlanohelessstruck

    soyfunnybone.ibeganbyasking,“is

    itbiggerthanabreadbox”nickylaughedandsaid,

    “thatsfunny,butpleasestaround.”

    takinghensaid,“isitsllerthanabreadbox”

    ishouldhaveknoter.ihaveneverexperienced

    arooeraturedroppedsoradically

    andrapidly.talkaboutbeingfrosted.butileaed

    thislesson:ifyouagreetohelpanotherpersonpractice

    sothihatifitsseriousforoshould

    beseriousforbothofyou.

    yourtoolsforgothers

    hafriend,practiceeyentact,eyeflicks,headtilts,

    bodyines,headnods,andvodverbalreassurances.

    trythei,instagese.g.,first,eyentact,

    flicks,andheadnodsandtilts;send,vodverbal

    reassurahird,bodyines.

    youyhaveteafeicesessionstorun

    througheachteiquethhly,butonceyoufeel

    youvegotthehangofthendividually,youput

    thelltogether.

    afterthreeorfouropandaskyourhelperquestions

    suchas:

    didiappeartobereallylistening

    didiseeobe“i”

    didyoufeelasthoughicaredaboutyouwere

    talkingabout

    thepo

    didiseeotallyinvolvedhyou

    iftheresponseislessthahusiastic,tryagainuntilyetthehangofit.eventuallyyouyto

    beaivelistenerandyoullhaveitforlife.youwill

    beabletokeeaeetfeelgoodabouthibr >

    orherself,andfeelinggoodisisallabout.

    chapter19

    becareful

    hadvice

    thepropensitytogiveadviceisuniversal.butdontworry;

    thepropensitytoigisalsouniversal.

    briantracy

    inchapter18youpractiexercisewhereyouhad

    toreacttoafriendsionhouttalking

    backjustbylistening.her

    pointabouthoopracticeatteening.

    67

    thepo

    rononbeingapatientlistener

    nyyearsago,ehavingdinner.

    sheobviouslyhadfacedaprettyheavydayatthe

    offidightaboutthedaysevents.shebegan

    totellabouttheinsandoutsofaproblehewas

    havingeerofherstaff.shebeganquitecaly

    butsoondevelopedahighheadofsteaasshe

    spoke,herangerseedtofeedonitselfandshe

    beoreinsed.

    unfortunately,ireallygorlisteningtoher.

    brainthat

    hadjustpoppedintoheadand,unfortunately,straight

    outofuth.“look,ifyouhadgiveheopportunity

    torrectherstake,ybe”

    sheinterrupted,“areyoutalkingaboutareyou

    sayingityfault”

    “well,no,i.

    “whoaskedyou”sheyelled.“whoaskedyouallied

    youtodoolistenandnodyourheadaupleof

    tis.”

    “butioohelp.”

    “youhelpbykeepingyouropinionstoyourselfand

    listening,”shesaid.“idontso

    angry.nobodysadviceheyrethatangry”

    shenobodydoes

    theralofthisstoryisthatnoodyou

    thinkyouvebeeindisplayinggbehavior,

    beingapatient

    listehegluethatholdsallyourskills

    becarefulhadvice

    together.yourattentivesilene

    denstratesyouri,patiendg.

    yourtoolsforgothers

    theisoooyouor

    difficultchoice,tuitaroundandask,“doyou

    thinkyoushoulddo”andthenlistenpatientlyhout

    interrupting.

    ifaanasksanforhisopinionabouttowear,

    shehasusuallydeupher

    ...

    台湾小说网  www.192.tw小说站  www.xsz.tw栗子网  www.lizi.twoindalreadyandisjust

    seekingnfirtion.youhavea50pertceof

    beingwrong.

    instead,youaskher,“fitdoyouthinklooksthe

    best”everheranssthe

    oneiochoose.”youllsoundlikeagenius,and

    gaswell.

    chapter20

    thepowerof

    patientlistening

    peoplearealofolloe

    acrdshtheirownwishes.

    ladyblessington

    beforeyoustoplisteningandstartspeaking,always

    takethetitonsidersgoingonhthe

    personorpeopleyourespeakingotional

    level.notterhoanyideasorinsightsy

    occurtoyou,iftheotherpersoedryor

    unhappy,itsstill

    listeningtiforyou.

    bepatient.givethe.when

    theyareready,theyllaskforyouropinionand,iftheyre

    lookingforansesa

    70

    thepoientlistening

    persoionsaenerslogicarelikeoiland

    ix.

    yourtoolsforgothers

    tentivelylistening”andtheperson

    speakiobeveryetional,listenhadded

    patiencebeforeyousayanythihepersontalkand

    getallofhiseroretionoutbeforeyou

    attettojuinandofferanysuggestions.

    stiortant,becarefulaboutgivingadviless

    sooneasksforit.yoursyatheticlisteningwillbe

    chappreciated.

    chapter21

    bequiile

    andlaugh

    againsttheassaultoflaughteothingstand.

    rktwain

    theresionthatslingandlaughingare

    clearindicatorsofhouchyouareenjoyingbeing

    eone.heoccasionandthesubjectallo,

    alileandlaugh.

    agenuinesleinvolvesthesclesthatsurround

    youruthandyoureyes.ile,kesure

    yougetallofyourfaile.letitghtuptoyour

    eyes.

    noeangrinninglikethecheshirecatat

    everythingthatsbeingsaid,hingateverydiocre

    quiporjoke.overdoingituldraisesuspisthat

    yourebeingphonyortooopenlytryingtocurryfavor.

    72

    bequiileandlaugh

    reeralsothatslesthatappearge

    “silesseeolingerfora

    ntortilethatdoesntlingerreallyisnta

    sle.

    thereareverygoodpsychologicalreasonstoallow

    yourselftosleandlaugheasilyandnaturally.hereisan

    illustration.

    rononhoorisntagious

    inearlydaysasatheaterdirector,theveryfirstedy

    idirectedebloon.

    itloadedhfunnylinesand

    adelightfullyeainingusing

    situations.

    hecastandigottogethertoreadthroughtheplay

    forthefirstti,highs,heldourribs,

    cackled,hoons

    hedaysby,we

    alllaughedlessandless.

    afepletedarunthrough

    oftheperforoothlyandwas

    ,butit.nobodyi,including

    ,ile.itwas

    likeon.isatthere

    hadbeensofunnyinthefirstplace.

    openingnighttherearies,critics,

    andyusual

    plathebackroheaislesoiuldleaveina

    hurryiftheaudieueduglyjustkiddingandhave

    neverbeensoanxious.thelightsdied,thecurtain

    iheaudience

    begantolaughandlaughandlaugh,andwas

    stiiwas

    thepo

    thesastuffthatidheardduringthreeweeksof

    rehearsalandthatidquitfindingfunny,aherei

    waslaughingagainwhy

    theansilingandlaughingisvery

    iious.ilaughedbecausetheylaughed,hrefreshed

    ryofihadfoundsofunnybefore.

    ianytistoseethatproduyfirstsuccessful

    attetatdiregedy,andilaughed

    alstasanceisaw.

    theresalessonhereforeveryone.,

    youarebeingtheaudienceforotherpeopleandtheiion

    ruleisjustastrue.ileandlaugh,others

    ileandlaughrightbackatyou.

    acaveat:choutforpeopleilehonlyone

    sideoftheiruthtuedup.oneshouldbecautious

    aboutlopsidedslestheyuldbehalfheartedorless

    tha.

    yourtoolsforgothers

    theiyouareiion,fortheright

    titoshoileastheiondictates.ifthe

    ionandspeakerareserious,youlookserious.if

    thetalkisaboutlight,asingthings,enurageyourself

    tosle.

    youdontnecessarilyhavetoagree

    hisbeingsaid;

    yousilyhavetotood.ifshe

    isbeihusiastidyou,allowyourself

    tosle.

    chapter22

    bequick

    topraise

    praise,likegoldanddiands,

    osvalueonlytoitsscarcity.

    saeljohnson

    ion,especiallyifwehave

    acplishedsothinghinkishwhile.

    alkaboutthingstheyare

    evidentlyproudof,thereisasileointensifytheir

    pleasure.

    bequicktopraisetheir,generosity,thoughtfulness,

    quiess,cleveess,oreverisappropriate.

    75

    thepo

    youbesuretheyher

    indi.

    appreportanttoallof

    us.itisthefuelinthefuaotivation.hout

    regnitionandpraise,nyofuswell

    beloanyeloyees

    respondrepositivelytopraisethantoaraise.

    reerhild,spouse,a

    friend,oruphpleasurebecauseyou

    praisedoradredorsho

    reerhofeelshappenstoyou

    rononacriticsreviews

    ireerasclearlyasifityvery

    firstjortheaterrevieheneing

    aplaybyxiorkycalledthelohs,and

    ityfirstprofessionalprodu.depthsisagreat

    classicalagreatchalleocutyourteethon

    asadirector.naturallyiteredatbeinggiventhe

    opportunityandfrighteheienseresponsibility.

    earl

    ...

    小说站  www.xsz.tw栗子小说    m.lizi.tw台湾小说网  www.192.twytheingafteropeningnight,iracedouttettheneycarforedlike

    anhourbeforeand

    seeifitbsuporthusdoookthe

    plunge.

    iopehenehshakingfiued

    tothetheaterpage.aheheadline:

    “greatplaygreatproduystoch

    ntractedhpleasure.thehecritichad

    tosay.hesayfaultsasyvirtuesandfor

    hithevirtuesobviouslyhadouthefaults.

    bequicktopraise

    iycareerasadirectorandhis

    carefullyy

    tivation,ntuandpleasure.thatspraise

    do,andpeoplerarelygetenoughofit.

    yourstoolforgothers

    ohebestdefinitionsofselfesteeshoucha

    personnsidersherselforhielftobepraisehy.the

    reyougenuinelypraisepeoplesbehavior,there

    theylikeandrespecttheelves,aertheyfeel

    toosteffectiveingivingpraise,you

    shouldfolloheseguidelines.

    first,bespecific.therespecificthepraise,thegreater

    iaorelikely

    itistotivatethepersontoperforveerinthat

    areaiure.insteadofsaying,“yreatsecretary,”

    youshouldsay,“youdidahat

    proposalaingitoutsoquicklyyesterday.”

    send,praiseiediately.thefasteryoupraisepeople

    aftertheyhavedohingpraisehy,thebetter

    theyfeelandtherelikelytheyaretorepeatthea.

    third,praiseforbothlargeandsllacplishnts.as

    kenblaninutenager,“catch

    theoingsothingright.”

    praisingothersfortheiracplishntsissothing

    stofusdonotdooftenenough.youstbetheexception

    totherule.praisekespeoplefeel

    theelvesandisakeyelentofchar

    chapter23

    usethe“actasif”

    principle

    thebestocreateafeeling,ifyouhaveitnot,

    istoaeveryoccasionhatfeelingisdesirable

    asifyouhaditalready,andyousoonwillhave.

    aristotle

    in1905,jasofharvarduy,thefather

    ofariadearerkableobservation.

    hesaidthatthebestotion,if

    youdontactuallyfeelit,istopretendasifyoualreadyfeel

    ituntilitbeesareality.

    therepeatedasooethe

    realfeelingsofenthusiasifyoubehaveasthoughyou

    arehappyorexcited,youofeelhappyor

    78

    usethe“actasif”principle

    excited.youroutetherresponding

    innerfeeling.

    youtrolyouras

    psychologistshavefoundthatitisdifficultforpeopleto

    sotionsoffandonatotio

    uhediretrolofthewill.

    youras,horol

    froonttont.byntrollingyouras,you

    otionsyoudesire

    tohave,silartothe“outsidein”approachapter8.

    soyouraotions.

    astriggerfeelings

    the“actasif”principlesaysthatifyouactasifyou

    alreadyfeltaparticularier

    thefeelingstogo.

    eethanotherperson,actasifthatother

    personisabsolutelyfasating.treattheotherpersonlike

    aviestaroobelprizeenhyourfull

    attention.leanforwardandhangoneveryword.nod,

    sle,andaoinuousseriesofverbal

    andvocalassuraheeffectric.

    veryoften,byusingatteeningteiques,you

    outtheotherpersonsinsightsand

    observations,ayazeyou.innotiatall,you

    uallyfindyourselfdeeplyiediher

    person.youobefasating,andherwords

    tobeintelligentandenjoyable.

    thepo

    brianonlessonsfrolongbustrip

    alongtiago,iotakeahourbus

    ridetogethobecauseofanairlinerikethat

    hadparalyzedallairtransport.ifoundselfsitti

    toascruffylookingcharacterinjeans,hlonghair,

    yseattefortheerip.

    uldido

    idecidedtotryoutthis“actasif”principleihadjust

    heardabout.ituedtohindintroducedself,then

    askedhindhedidforaliving.

    ittuedoutthathelivedonafarutthathehad

    beefasatedallplanes.hehadsentaway

    forakitandbuilthielfaoerthatheflewaround

    thefarntry.eventuallyhepetedinairshows.

    heeaboutcrashesandneardeath

    experiences,andhisreveryfrorokenlegsandacts.

    thereipracticedatteening,askiions

    andaoorefasating

    thiold.tothisday,ireerhohose

    eighthoursfleehstoriesabout

    hislifeandupbringing.

    rononusingthepoind

    iilyandhe

    said,“youreintothissortofthing;ybeyougive

    anexplanation.”

    heon.“aweeko,iwokeupfeelinglousy,

    soidecidednottogointotheoffice.ijustsataroundin

    bathrobe,didntshaveorshochedtvalittle,

    andbydichworse.”

    usethe“actasif”principle

    iasked,“didyoudodidyougotoseeyourdoc

    tor”

    heshruggedhisshoulders.“no,iotthedoctortype.

    but,heresthepoint.theveryday,igotupfeeling

    uheuch

    e.ihadanappointntihad

    alreadypostponedfrohedaybeforeandent

    things.offiidi

    chbetterwhyhis”

    isaid,“itadethedifferes

    aperfectexaleofhotitudeaffectusphysically.

    once,everyohoughtthereasonyoufeltbetter

    ental,butnoical.

    byengaginginbehaviorsofbeingwellsh,

    shaviingdressedandgoingofftowork

    youaistry,hen

    causesyoutofeelbetter.”

    hedigestedtheinfortionforant.thenhesaid,

    “soitsabinationofthepoindandour

    intealpharcydepartntthatkesthedifference.”

    as

    ...

    台湾小说网  www.192.tw栗子网  www.lizi.tw栗子小说    m.lizi.twaffectfeelings

    inthesaeaccustodtopractic

    ingthechareiquesdescribedinthisbook,younot

    onlyappeartobelisteningrenvinglybutyouactu

    allydolistenreeffitlyandreerreeffec

    tively.itsasthoughbygettingyourbodythe“outside”

    todhtthings,youprotetherightattitudethe

    “inside”andtherightchestry.

    byinrporatingatteeningteiquesinto

    thepo

    yourlife,thepayoffisnotonlythatyouappeartobean

    involvedandglistener,butthatyouactually

    beeaninvolvedandglistener,o

    bechrereheother

    peopleinyourlife

    yourtoolsforgothers

    ”fakeituntilyoukeit.”theiyouaretalking

    toanyone,inbusinessorsocially,actasifthatotherperson

    elyfasating.hangoneveryword.leanforward

    ontthatthis

    personisgoingtogiveyoualliondollarsifhelikesyou.

    actagly.

    innotiatall,youerestedin

    theotherperson,andbysogicalchestry,thisindividual

    oshareobservationsandinsightsthat

    ysurpriseanddelightyou.nylifelongfriendships

    havestartedthisway.

    chapter24

    yousayand

    ho

    anscharacterisrevealedbyhisspeech.

    nander

    thefirststeptoingapletelyg

    personistobeeagreatlistener.sooneror

    later,though,itutospeak.yousay

    andhoareessentialingredientsinyourability

    todpersuadeothers.

    83

    thepo

    rononspeaking

    ihaveadelightfuloldfriend,cecils,asuccessful

    theaterdireanyyears.iactedinseveralofhis

    produs.heost

    et.heepitozedalltheelents

    ofcharhattenaboutinthisbook.

    ostiressedabouthiewayhe

    tuedeveryteredintoasho,

    ,andg.hehadplenty

    ofopinionsofhisoanystrongones,butthey

    nicatedhrespectasan

    exgeofideas,notaspetition.

    aialspeakingskill

    thereareseveralskillsyouisyourtu

    tospeak,andtheyllbeveredoverseveralchapters.lets

    startagainadifferentangle.

    tigazineonediaanddid

    thefirstjorintervieikhailgorbachev,thethen

    visitingrussianpresident.hisabilitytonicate

    id

    politiajorreasonsheasded

    tothepresidenunication

    skillsereporterwho

    eetingpresident

    gorbachevarehiseyes,theiriy,theirdireess,and

    theirpower.”

    feacthisskillis

    .

    yousayandho

    thepeople

    therulesusedforeyentact

    froherulesusedening.when

    youreinaoneonoionhanotherperson,

    lookattheotherpersonseyeshan85pertof

    theti.intaiactalltheticreatestoo

    chpressure.ucheyentact,youvirtually

    piherpersontotheing,

    youeacrossastoointense.

    hoeoalkingtoyouand

    akeshereyesoffyouitbeintidatingand

    eveening.noticetheoviesuse

    thatkindofunyieldiactheyspeak.

    yazefroersontopersoly,onepersonata

    ti.useyoureyentacttoreachoutandincludepeople

    ininto

    theion.everyoneyouaretalkingtoshouldfeel

    thepothandattention.

    yourtoolsforgothers

    keapointofpractiggoodeyentayone

    youtalkto.besureyoudontoverdoitlookattheother

    personseyeshan75pertto85pertofthe

    ti,overbearing.lookdeep

    intothepersoherthansuperficially.itsadefinitive

    wayofsaying,“iseeyou”

    chapter25

    thelookaside

    speeanspeaks,soishe.

    publiussyrus

    heonedoialking,thelookaside

    isaponicationteique.it

    isacasualglaoonesideortheotherofthelisteners

    head,ontarilyredirethe

    persohesideoftheface.

    lookasidesshouldbedonecasuallyandiently.

    neverlookabovethelistenershead,becausethatwill

    nvineone

    distragyou.frequentlooksbelohelistenerseyes

    tobelievetheyghthavefoodontheirface

    ravyontheireanttogive

    youtheopportunitytolookatotherthingsorpeople;

    86

    thelookaside

    rather,theyaretheretoreleasethelistenerfroooch

    iyingfroou.inoneonoions,

    theyareessential.

    yourtoolsforgothers

    theiyourespeakingeoneforanyperiod

    ofti,practiceshiftingyazethtorleft

    ear,andthenbaouthandeyes.

    kesureyourlookasidesareshort,neverforrethan

    threesends;otherracted.

    reerthatyourobjectiveistointaingoodeyentact

    akiherpersonunfortable.

    chapter26

    theartof

    speakingslowly

    thinkbeforeyouspeak,pronounperfectly,

    noutyouroohastily,butorderlyanddistinctly.

    geeon

    nypeople,beentoervousness,

    speaktoofastandlistentoolittle.people

    oofastbebothfrustratingandirritating.

    haveyoueverbeenstuatrafficjaily

    beetouand

    thetrafficreporterontheradiosaidnearp

    hatact,aeativerouteif

    onlythesereportersdidntspeaksofast.theyareprofessionals.

    donttheyknosdifficulttoabsorbalotof

    88

    theartofspeakingslowly

    infortionsoquickly

    ...

    栗子小说    m.lizi.tw栗子网  www.lizi.tw栗子小说    m.lizi.twiftheyplyslowdown,

    youdhavetitograspthesituationahedecision

    totakeaiveroute.

    haveyoueverreceivedassageonyouranswering

    eberoken

    sorapidlyorilythatyouuldhelast

    fouuersyouenduphavingtoreplaythessage,

    sotisrethanonber.

    givepeopletitothink

    alkandaredifficulttolisten

    to.youuldevenbeohethetroublehfasttalk

    isthatitinvariablycreatesiveiressionsandvirtually

    nopositiveones.afasttalkergivesyounotito

    thiondhink

    ofafasttalkerdontyouthinkofausedcarsalesn,a

    nartist,orsooneanipulateorhustle

    youintosothingthatisnotinyourbesti

    fasttalkkesaspeakersouhoughtfuland

    reselftered,sholy

    thatpersonesaied

    onlyintheyhavetosay.fasttalkisasureway

    toralizeanyopportunityforchar

    betterspeakingusingthesloeique

    isthesolutionforfasttalkthereareteiques

    youuse.thefirst,veredhere,issilytoslowdown.

    thesendveredinchapter27isforyoutoleahow

    tousesilenion.

    ifyoubeentoldnytisthatyouspeaktooquickly,

    theresanintealnitoryouusetontrolspeak

    thepo

    ingtoofast;itscalledyourfortzone.justaswehave

    fortzoheoutside,andingtoocloseto

    sooneisintrusiveandtoofaraacy,

    fortzonesioo.

    ethingunfaliaroroutofthe

    ordinary,youfortable.you

    ostirresistibleurgetogobacktodoingit

    theoldheoldhat

    well.

    uresofhabit.ooeasilyslipintoarut

    andtheallpressuretogetoutofit.wearealways

    refortabledoingthingsthee

    a.itsliketheritualwego

    throughreadyfortheday.first,theleftshoe,

    thentheright,theherightohe.ifyou

    trytogethepatte,itfeelsodd.

    asileexperint

    inoursenars,sand

    noticeisontop.thentorefoldtheir

    arontop.tryityourself.doesntit

    feeloddthisisthesafeelingyouhavewhenyou

    attettogeanoldhabit.

    butallgroentesfrobr >

    fourselvesoutofourfortzoothezone

    ofdisfort.iffortzoneswe

    hatincludesgingforthe

    better.

    oldhabitsdiehard,andrapidspeakingisangthe

    stpersistentoftheifitsahabityouarehavingtrouble

    kiakesureyou

    sloakingyourreiortant

    theartofspeakingslowly

    points.thisteiquealoheperceptionthat

    youarespeakingreslowlyoverall.

    itisiortantthatyoukeeppractigatspeaking

    resloeraarttodevelopanew

    fortzoyouehen

    feelunfortableooquicklybecause

    theneingreaable

    foryou.aant,youllfind

    itschrefortableforyourlisteoo.

    yourtoolsforgothers

    herearetostretchyourselfout

    ofyourfortzoneandintotheperforneof

    higherachievent.

    first,getatapererderandtapeyourselfreadingaloud.

    speakataspeedthatsoundsunfortablyslooyou.

    yourinstinctydendthatyouspeakatyourold

    speed,butpaynoattentiontoit.nohe

    rerding.youhatalthoughyou

    soundedslooyourselfwillsound

    justrightonthererding.youcheckthisoutbyasking

    afriendorfalyertolistentoyourrerding.

    send,usethesateiqueduringaion

    poystillfeeltoosloo

    you,itostcertainlybefihelistener.

    reer,intheearlystagesofleaingtoslowyour

    speech,youustfeelunfortable.ifnot,then

    youreprobablystillspeakingatyourold,quickspeed.

    chapter27

    theeloquence

    ofsilence

    heuandyoursilence

    uandyourwords.

    elberthubbard

    intheearlydaysofhispresidency,geew.bushwas

    judgedtobearatherpoorspeaker.sotisitwas

    alstpainfultoptstogethis

    ssageaethinghappened

    alongtheprovedhisabilitytospeak

    reeffectively.hisaideshiredsoofthetopspeechers

    inthebusiness.butinadditioerspeech

    terial,thereethingelse.heleaedtospeak

    pactbyusingpauses,evenif

    92

    theeloquenceofsilence

    theyes.thege

    andapprovalratingsforhisspeechdeliveryrose.

    pausinggivesapersontitothink,tokeepntrolof

    the,anditgivestheaudienceacetorelateto

    eabetterspeakersily

    bypausingforasendortvariousintervalsduring

    yourdelivery.

    itisduringthesilehatyourlistenershe

    cetorefleyousay.theyareabletopicture

    intheirndsyouaretalkingabout.theyhavethe

    opportunitytoeaning,toand

    respondtoyourfeelings.

    inaddition,pausesalloeohaveaninnerdialogue

    hyou.theyactuallytalkintheirheadsexpressing

    theirihoughts.asalistener,haventyouoften

    foundyourselfsayingthingsinyourheadlike,“idisagree,”

    or“ethingaboutthat,”etc.

    thereinnerdialogueyouinspire,thestrongeryour

    ionhyourlistenerswillbe.

    hereisaniortaabouttheartofspeaking

    gohsilence.evenifyoudont

    alheidealplaceforasilence,yourlistener

    knohedifferenceheooinvolvedh

    youandyouaresaying.iion,nobody

    thinks,“noihatpausehewrong

    place.”

    yourtoolsforgothers

    practicepausi

    ...

    台湾小说网  www.192.tw小说站  www.xsz.tw小说站  www.xsz.twngattheendofathought,orjustafterhav

    ingdeakeypoint.thisteiquehelpsalisteo

    knohoughtendsandanins.

    thepo

    reertopauseespeething

    iortant,plicated,orunusual.letthelistenerdigest

    etothinkand

    tobreathe.

    chapter28

    excessivefillersare

    charillers

    thepoorspeakveryfast,ents,

    toattraoveslowlyand

    theyspeaksloheydoogetyourattention

    becausetheyvealreadygotit.

    chaele

    inexperienced,unprepared,oervousspeakersoften

    filltheirsentencesuh,

    aheyreknoing

    thespaetothink.inan

    attettoholdontothelistetenti

    tofindtherightthoughtsandwords.yourfillersaresay

    95

    thepo

    ing,“dontstoplistening,ihaventfi,justhangon.”

    it”

    aheiraybegin

    togetaknotiofyourstoindy

    besaying,“forheavenssake,getonhit”unlessyou

    haveaparticulardesiretogtothesepeculiarand

    inprehensiblenoises,getridofthenobodylikesto

    hearthefillersarecharusters.

    yourtoolsforgothers

    thebestinatefillersistoslowdownyour

    speakingstyleanddeliberatelyuseresileisas

    sileasthat:ifyouusesilences,fillersdisappear.

    everyoudo,dontbeoverlyselfnsciousintrying

    toavoidfillers.youdontknoheyre

    goingtohappen.tryingtoanticipateanunnsciousact

    ulddriveyoucrazy.

    instead,neyoufeel

    an“er”or“u”ergingfroourlips.inrporate

    sileoyoureverydayions,especially

    hatyouarespeakingtooquickly,

    andthefillersselves.

    chapter29

    gpeople

    hyourvoice

    anyruly;buttospeakhorder,wisely,

    aly,ofthat,feenarecapable.

    ntaigne

    thesoundofyourvoicehasaprofoundinfluen

    theodaivityofthepersonyouaretalking

    to.theretoneofyourvoiceatsfor38pert

    ofyeasnotedpreviously,bodylanguageand

    theselvesareresponsiblefortherest.

    whoeoneha

    high,shrillvoiakesyou

    eeoneo

    akesyoufeelas

    97

    thepo

    thoughyourebeingereblas

    .cashree.

    onotonousandbvoices“blah”

    voices,.theyaresuretoreduceboththe

    attentionandthereceptivityofthelistener.youhavetouse

    yourvoicetheationand

    lorthatkeseveryoutalkaboutevenifitsjust

    thearketsoundiing.

    resolvetobeastorytellerratherthanatalkingfax

    e.

    loe

    whenyou,reassuring,

    intite,he

    lohedeepersoundsare.theloo

    ddletonesarealsogreattoreasonh

    theotherpersonorshohatyoucareorarebeing

    thoughtful.

    also,rendyourselftoslosverydifficult

    tobeclose,friendly,,orthoughtfulwhenyoure

    speakingtooquickly.stofustendtoslourally

    otions.

    trythis:sayquickly,“ieeplynceedaboutyou;you

    analotto.”

    nooreslouchresincere

    andreal.

    pickuptheteo

    oherhand,ifyouhaveaflatvoice,pushyourself

    outofyourfortzoneandpickuptheteowhenyou

    gpeoplehyourvoice

    tosouedorenergized.usetheuppersounds

    ofyourvoice,butnottoohigh.varyyourspeedandtone.

    chooseyourpadtonebasedonyouretalking

    aboutandtheodyoutocreate.

    deepervocalsoundssuggestsizeandstrength;higher

    soundsnveysllnessandweakness.ifyouhearadeep

    barkingbehindadoor,youdontexpecttoseea

    chihuahuifyouhearhighpitchedbarkingyoudont

    expecttoseeagreatdane.poely

    speakreslohloones.

    nee,neareer

    thereifootballplayersix

    feetsevenialland280pounds.he

    player,butthoughheonthe

    field,ineverydaylifehehadthevoiceofachihuahua

    veryinngruous.hagheleaedtoge

    thehisnee

    ea

    suentatorontelevision.

    yourtoolsforgothers

    first,seleabookazihatiseasytoreadahehis

    terialintoatapererderataleisurelypace.gently

    loertohat

    youfortablyreach.dontforceit.letitenaturally,

    varyingyourtoneupanddothisexercise

    untilyouarepleasedhtheresult.

    send,playthispleasantsoundingvoiceofyoursover

    andainathoandinyourcar.asyouee

    thepo

    irintsitselfonyoursubnscious,youwillfindyourself

    speakinginthatsatoneofvoiyoureverydayions.

    orefrequently,the

    overallpersisthatofaricher

    andervoiingpersonality.

    chapter30

    beag

    ionalist

    sirarthurnandoyleissaidtohaveoadinnerparty

    ravingaboutoscarasaionalist.

    “butyoudidallthetalking,”hispanionpoi.

    “exactly”nandoylesaid.

    stephenfry

    yourihe

    en,aopeople.butthere

    isanadditionalqualitythatthoseenjoy

    theyaregreationalists.

    beingafocusedandpatientlistenerisessentialto

    charusingapleasantvoidnottalkingfastalso

    101

    thepo

    raisey

    istobesensitivetoothersan

    ...

    栗子小说    m.lizi.tw小说站  www.xsz.tw栗子小说    m.lizi.twddonttotalk

    about.

    ifthepeopleyourespeakinghtounloadtheir

    feelingsorjusttalkabouttrivia,lettheitistruethat

    therearethosethingsthatare

    uniortanttoyou.anditshardtobeg

    e

    peoplesandtheir

    personallives.youdontpolite,so

    youdo

    usuallyyouhavethesubject

    180degrees,theotheristryingtogrina.but

    hatenoughisenough,thereis

    anotherer.youuseaed

    question.

    forexale,a180degreegewouldbeifyouwere

    totakeovertheionandschabruptlytoanother

    topic.ifsooneispoutherheartaboutapet

    dog,yousuddenlystarttalkingaboutyouriin

    intergalactictravel.abetterodoatyorthirty

    degreeshiftandslipinantaboutyouroion

    ofdogs.thenyoughtparlayintoaquestion

    aboutdogshodidyouthinkofthebestinshow

    piing

    dogs,dogsforthebliitbit

    aboutpetsas.

    yourtoolsforgothers

    iionhafriendorlleague,look

    foranopeningtogethesubjectobliquely,intoaslight

    lydifferentdire,tyorthirtydegreesoffter,so

    beagionalist

    theostierceptible.try

    interjegaion.

    aynotbeabletogethesubjetirely,

    youllhavechardsoonebykeepingtheion

    aningfultothatperson.itsaunityto

    becreativeeoneelsesneedsinstead

    ofyouroakingothersfeelspecialisohekeys

    tobeingadisarnglygperson.

    chapter31

    steerthe

    ion

    thetruespiritofionnsistsre

    inbringingoutthecleveessofothers

    thaninshodealofityourself.

    labruyère

    thepurposeofsteeringtheionisnotto

    dohat,but

    tokesurethat,hyoursupport,itntiogoin

    thediretheotherpersonhathisorher

    iandinvolveantlyengaged.

    igineyourselfinasocialsituation.yourestanding

    therealone,ndingyourohaplateof

    snaonehandandaglassofheother.outof

    104

    steertheion

    theblue,sobodylaundiatelystarts

    talkingabouthielf:“idothis;ididthat.”

    intensendsflat,yourethinking,“hooutof

    here”noagihesasituation,onlythisti

    sobodyesovertoyouandintensendsflathas

    youtalkingaboutyourself.whoospend

    tihtheres.

    talkabouttheotherpersoncaresabout

    allofusenjoytalkingaboutthetopicserested

    inespeciallystoenjoyit,too.

    portanttothethey

    tendtorevealagreatdealabouttheelvestosyathetic

    listeheyshoheirlikesanddislikes,theirpreferences,

    beliefs,andideas.helistenerina

    ion,youstlistencloselytodisverthevarious

    pathsyoutakeinsteeringtheion.

    yourelookingforisaokeepupyourendoftheion

    uchof

    theionastheylike.

    anaddedbonusisthatyouuch

    froeopleyouhavelittleinnas

    thoseyouagree.anopenndisareceptive

    nd,anditing

    person.

    yourtoolsforgothers

    thesurestosteeraionistoaskquestions

    thatbeginh,here,andhow.

    aionthatstartshohesebe

    anshayesoo.theresponserequiresfacts,fig

    thepo

    ures,feelings,aails.andthepersonhese

    questionshasntrol.

    ohestpooelicitreas,responses,

    andopinionsistoaskthequestions,“howdoyoufeel

    aboutthat”or“doyouthinkaboutthat”whenever

    astoryora

    aloreextensiveansheperson

    speakingingandintelligent,

    justforasking.

    chapter32

    doyour

    howork

    knoer.

    francisban

    anytiyettingtogethereone,

    sociallyorprofessionally,youparticularly

    press,doyourhoyou

    aboutthatpersonbeforeyouactuallyet.itsthebestway

    tobegandiingtoothers.asdalecaegie

    onakerefriendsinadaybybeing

    iedihanyouuldinayearbytryingtettheobeiedinyou.”

    107

    thepo

    agoodi

    thehigherthevalueyouplaore

    tiyoushouldiinleaingaboutthepersonbefore

    youet.findoutaschasyouaboutherorhis

    likesanddislikes,hobbies,educationalbackground,business

    is,andsocialactivities.ardation,

    youanydifferent

    diresthatyouknohepersonheideais

    toknooreaboutthesepeoplethantheykno

    you.

    brianonthevalueofpreparation

    so,iionalsalesanization.

    isoondisveredthatitotakeover

    aingbranchthanitosetupoffices,recruit

    salespeople,andtrainfrocratch.ileaedofasuccessful

    businessowhowas

    disedpanyheing.i

    deandallhispeopleforbusiness.

    inaskingaround,idisveredthatheo

    nurologyanddeallhisdebers

    ofthebirthdatesofpotentialbusinesspartners,as

    onthandaupleof

    booksy,readuponthesignificeofparticular

    nuers,andthenarraoeton

    thebestdayofthenth,nuricallyspeaking.

    oneofhisfirstquestionsofybirthday.iwas

    prepared.itoldhihatitonth,and

    yearthataddeduptoa“luuer”forbusinessrelationships.

    attheendoftheeting,hejoinedm

    ...

    栗子网  www.lizi.tw台湾小说网  www.192.tw小说站  www.xsz.twyanization

    andeerof

    ionhekey.

    doyourhowork

    seekfirsttouand

    sotisitsnotpossibletoobtaininfortion,especially

    ifyoureetingsoohefirstti.inthistype

    ofsituation,youstbepletelyfocusedoher

    person.

    eet,talkaboutyourselfaslittleaspossible.

    theresahing

    alking.”

    thinkaboutthat.youttalkandlistentopeopleat

    thesati.itisoalkandyoulistenthat

    you.iftheyseeelut

    toopentheion,youtakeoverhtheiion

    ofgettialkassoonaspossible.

    youbeginbytalkingaboutscurrentor

    prointheneicsionuntilyou

    knooreabouttheorbykingrefereoaret

    hitvieorpopulartelevisirabooks,sports,or

    fashion.ifyouventionedavie,askthehey

    haveseenlately.askoviestheyprefer,and

    soon.

    findasubjectofi

    heresanexaleofho

    anotherpersonistalkingabout.supposetheotherperson

    says,“iofrustratedbytheeopledrivenowadays.

    theresnoionforanyoneelse.nobodyhas

    patienyre;theyjusttogettoheyre

    goingasfastastheydyoudbettergetoutoftheway.”

    letsanalyzethepossibilitiesinthissilestatent.

    itssafetosaythatthispersonhasabeeinhisbonabout

    sothingbutaboutdrivingingeneralperhaps.

    thepo

    aboutinebehaviorybe.aboutotherpeoples

    lackofpatiencepossibly.therearethreedifferent

    diresyouuldtaketheionsafely.you

    uldreplyh,“iagree,”andthenproceedtobrieflytalk

    aboutanihathappeoyou.thatapproachis

    partistoberunning

    outofion.

    aleerthatthereyouleaabout

    otherpeopleduringaionalexge,thegreater

    .thereand

    betterquestionsyouaskthatpiggybatheirbackground

    andis,theretheyobe

    g.

    yourtoolsforgothers

    reer,thepersonionshasntrol.there

    arethreepoionsyouaskofanynew

    acquaintaontroltheion

    andappeargatthesati.

    first,youask,“sortofostpeople

    aredeeplyiedintheirplaysatral

    roleintheirlivesandisajorsourceoftheiridentity.

    theylovetotalkaboutitanddescribetheydoto

    others.

    then,heyhavetoldyoutheydo,youask,

    hgreatiandcuriosity,“hointo

    thatlineofwork,anyway”

    thisquestionhallkindsof

    detailsaboutthepersonshistory,experiences,andbackground,

    allexplaiheforfalifestory.sotis

    thestorygoonindefinitely.peopleusuallyfeelthatthe

    storyoftheirostfasating

    storiesevertold.

    doyourhowork

    thespeakerysloineif

    youarereallyiedorifyouarejustbeingpolite.

    ory,youask,“andthen

    didyoudo”

    hediatelyexpandonhislastntandntinue

    tellingyoureofhisstory.wheneverheslows,ask

    “andtheely

    chardbyyou.

    youilarquestionsasere

    aboutthat.”“hodidtheydo”

    “happe”

    ifyoulike,youtroduceyourohoughts.when

    youdosaysothingaboutyourself,resistthetetation

    tobeetootalkative.topasstheballbacktotheother

    person,endyourntaboutyourselfhanother

    questioheotherpersontalkingagain.

    chapter33

    keeptheballin

    theirurt

    theor

    tobeinford,topleaseortopersuade.

    benjanfranklin

    gpeoplekeepuptheirendoftheion

    bypassingtheballbadfortheasilyand

    naturally.

    yoalistoparticipateactivelyintheion

    etienuragingyourional

    unterpartstotakeoveraschasthey.youare

    likeatennisplayerratesonkeepingtheballin

    play.likeatennisach,youhittheballsoyourstudent

    reachitaanopportunitytohititback.the

    112

    keeptheballintheirurt

    loherallylasts,therevaluableitisforthestudent,

    asheionalist.

    readingeachother

    stionsbeginhpolite,socialbahese

    lightexgesallooodand

    receptivityoftheotherperson.youthenshifttheion

    toreprofoundtters,dependingonthe

    direyoutogo.

    ohebestokeeptheionalballin

    playistousequestionsthatspinofffrooure

    alreadytalkingabout.forexale,igihatatthe

    beginningoftheionyoubegantalkingabout

    food.

    yousay,“haveyoutastedthesesnackstheyredelicious”

    theotherpersonrepliesandthenyouspeakagain,

    introduentof

    foodalyliypeoffoodsdo

    youprefer”

    evertheaoo,”yousay.“i

    lovestfoodsaslongastheyreasty.

    doyoueatoutalot”

    theotherpersongivesananshenyountinue:“i

    thihookingtyperestaurantintownis

    nayourfavoriterestaurant.”

    thatntleadsintothequestion:“haveyou

    everbeenthere”

    thepersonansust

    tryit.justabouteverythingtheykeisexceptional.do

    youhaveaaurantsthatyouparticularlyenjoy”

    thepo

    foreasinuehafolloion:

    “doyoueingout”andsoon.

    obviously,theionuldgoinahundreddifferent

    diresbut,asyousee,thebasicideaisto

    keeptheionboungbacktotheotherperson.

    itisnotplicatedordifficulttodo.itjustinvolvesputting

    yoonthebackbuerandattendingtothe

    needsorisoftheotherperson.itisthekeytobeing

    g.

    yourtoolsforgothers

    iiohatitisnot

    ...

    栗子小说    m.lizi.tw栗子网  www.lizi.tw栗子网  www.lizi.twaboutyou.itis

    abouttheotherpeoplearoundyou.stpeopleareso

    nselvesandtheiressiontheyare

    king,theylosetheiaturalnessandspoy.

    alktoanotherperson,fetaboutyourself.

    dontbeinglikedorpopular.instead,focus

    onkingothersfeellikedandpopular.

    chapter34

    dont

    “killtheball”

    thesuendependsreupon

    thepurityoftheirheartsthanupontheansoftheiras.

    vedas

    to“killtheball”isatensyoudo

    isoutofposition.youpounce

    ontheballandhititsohardthatyouhepoint.

    ent,

    thatisyougenerallytrytodo.youtrytofindapoint

    offactorpositionhoutyouroppo

    beingabletorespond.

    but,ing,itisutter

    115

    thepo

    dotrytostakeoutaio

    thingyouisfortheiontofall“outof

    ent

    htheotherperson.thenyouareinthe

    potentiallydangerouspositionofingtokilltheball

    andhit,allyoureffortssofar.

    briantoohardtoiress

    icsat

    ationy.

    ispenthoursstudyingandreviewingeverypossible

    fathekeyissuesoftheday.ielettersto

    theeditorthatajor

    neuredasagueston

    thentroversialradioshoystuff.

    ianyoneed

    todiscusstheissuesoftheday.iwaslikeaverbal

    zorro,slashingskillfullyatanyoppo,a

    friends.thenoneevening,isocialgatheringh

    alotofpropeople.heyhered

    ingroupstalkingandbanteringbadforth.

    knoinateandiversation,

    ioagroupofbusinesspeopleiknewand

    beganspeakingaboutsothinginthedaysnews.asi

    opeh,asifonengla

    andthendispersedquicklyinfourdifferentdires,

    leavingstandingtherebyself.itwasalesson

    ineverfot,andineveragaiouse

    verbalproinateaion.

    dont“killtheball”

    doyoutobehappyht

    notterhlyyoufeelorhoulousyou

    thinkotherpeoplesideasybe,avoidevei

    senseofnflifliaionisacertain

    eanyoutbefirnyour

    opinions,butdoheideaof

    yourtruepurpose,genial,

    likable,andapleasuretobearound.inaobe

    g.

    yourtoolsforgothers

    first,beclearaboutyouriinaion:itisto

    beg.itisnottopressothers

    hyourcleveess.

    send,avoidnflictatallsts.itisae

    ing

    blanceofhostilityintheair.

    third,youybepleasantlyfiryouropinions,but

    donttrytokilltheball.presentyourpointofviely,

    tentatively,aitgo.dontbeesoinvolvedin

    being“right”thatyourcharsobscuredinacloudof

    argunt.

    finally,onlytakeovertheionherpeople

    keitclearthattheyyou.hey

    askalotofquestionsaboutyou,thatanstheyarest

    likelyiedinyou.obligethebutdontriskbeing

    aboingontoolong.

    estocharrhepoint,ifyouwin

    youlose

    chapter35

    getihe

    otherperson

    liesbehindusandliesbeforeus

    aretinyttersparedtolieshinus.

    orisonsarden

    tingiseverythingiingthroughtopeople,

    espe.asitsaysin

    ecclesiastes,“thereisatiforeverypurposeunder

    heaven.”yourjobistodeterneis.

    haveyouevertriedtotalkhothersonlytofind

    yourselfoutofstepoodyoureolandllow;

    theyreagitatedanduptight.yourefeelinglifesa

    ball;theyredops.

    thetptto

    118

    getiheotherperson

    kearytobesupportiveand

    reassuring,butnothio.

    ont,the

    tsandarevingatdifferent

    speeds,likeautobilegearsgrinding.

    itisthesahpeople.youhavetofindao

    shgears,tokesurethatyouaherpersonare

    insynatterhoyouare,you

    createrapport.

    praatg

    longbeforetheadventofneurolinguisting

    nlp,professionalsusedanagexercisecalled“rr

    andtg”toleaitobea

    leaderorfolloraiorstoworkin

    hars

    orbehaviors.forexale,onepersonake

    upatuneandhut,aherthe

    satuneseenglyattheidenticalti.twopeople

    earror

    igeofeachother.

    stofushavethelatentabilitytoadapttodifferent

    typesofpeoplebut,forallkindsofreasons,.

    youigie

    topeopleexactlylikeyouhoorldwould

    bee.itsthereasonnypeoplebeesoinflexible

    andjudgntal.ifyoudontdoitthe,ifyou

    dohelyasiseeit,thenyourewrong,

    unhy,irrelevant.

    peopleavoidbeinginflexibleandjudgntal.

    theyenjoyseeingthehroughotherseyes

    asostfundantal

    thepo

    sebeingabletoseethehroughtheother

    personseyes.

    yourtoolsforgothers

    theiyouareiion,trythisexercise.

    first,nsirrorandtchtheotherpersonor

    peopleyouarenversingbylisteningtotheir

    speedgtheirbodylanguage.iftheyspeak

    rapidly,youtchtheiftheyspeakfairlyslowly,you

    dothesa.iftheygestureagreatdeal,soshouldyou.if

    theyarerestraiheirgestures,you

    ...

    栗子小说    m.lizi.tw栗子网  www.lizi.tw小说站  www.xsz.twbethesa.

    send,stobetheirtopiftheday,tryto

    seeitfroheirpointofvieile,agree,andoffer

    reassurantosayintheirnds,

    “iaeryfortableuch

    inn.ilar.”endtolikeand

    feelateaseintuneandinharny

    g.

    chapter36

    practice

    kesperfect

    odo,weleabydoing.

    aristotle

    practiceyoueskillsan.

    leaneayfeela

    littleaal.itisonly

    thesecharkillsiionshrealpeoplethatyou

    leatheothepointesendnature.

    itisnotenoughthattheplayersonafootballteabr >

    andleaandpracticetheplays.itstheexperience

    theyget,gaafterga,thatallotodevelop

    nditionedreflexes.

    121

    thepo

    ketheseskillsautotic

    asyoupractidrepeattheseteiques,youatically

    prograhebehaviorsofbeingginto

    yoursubnsind.ithentakeoverandthese

    teiquesurallyandeasily.thatsbeen

    oalfrohebeginning.

    youveseentherationandeffortinababy

    leaingtoorideabicycle,oran

    adultleaingtoplaygolforsquaredanatic,

    doitbythenuersrepetitionalloany

    things.

    puter,sautotically

    eintooperation.iftheres

    alreadyinstallediersry,justlikethey

    areinstalledinyoursubnscious,thenyoudhaveablank

    sandablanknd.

    yourtoolsforgothers

    practiceeveryskillyouveleaedsofaroneveryoccasion.

    foe.usetheskillsofcharbr >

    ily,friends,neances,andpeople

    youhduringtheday.practicehe

    experieningin

    alsteveryhuion.

    treateaeetlikealliondollarcustor,

    likethestiortantpersonintheworld.whenyou

    approafeelwonderful

    abouttheelves.theypletely

    g.

    chapter37

    translateskill

    intoart

    doyouseeanskillfulinhisandbeforekings.

    proverbs22:29

    onceyouhavealltheteiquesocreate

    itntsthat

    you.itisheseattitudesare

    addedtoyourlistening,looking,andspeakingabilities

    thatyourselves

    ahe“art”ofchar

    123

    thepo

    yourtoolsforgothers

    blendallyourabilitiestogetherintotheart

    ofchary

    inrporatititudesintoyourlisteningand

    speakinghabits.thesearethetntsthatwillbring

    pleasuretoyouandothers:

    .resolvetobepleasantandpleasingheachperson

    youet.

    .resolvetobegraatter

    isgoingon.

    .resolvetobeental.

    .resolvetobequiileandquicktopraise.

    paradoxically,itisonlytheotherperson

    aheadofyouthatyouendupaheadyourself.

    chapter38

    nowyou

    havetodoit

    thereisnosubstitutefortalent.industryand

    allthevirtuesareofnoavail.

    aldoushuxley

    alingachtoldoneofhisathletes,“youhave

    realtalentandyouhatsgreat.

    hotobeatopler,yousof

    experience.”ifyoutobeatopathlete,is

    notexperienditioningisnotexperiendtraining

    isnotexperieheyareore.

    theachhatonlybygoingoutthereand

    petitivelyhisathletegainexperience.

    thesathoughtappliestonearlyeverythingwedo.

    thinkingaboutitisntdoingit.gettingreadyisntdoingit.

    125

    thepo

    practigitisntdoingit.visualizingitisntdoingit.

    doingitisdoingittheresnootherallthe

    seairosothatyouacteffortlesslyandnaturally,

    youhavetodosothingoverandainunder

    reallifecirtilyoudohinkabout

    itaheseingatyourbestistondition

    yourndshlythatyourbehaviorsand

    responsesareeasyandautotic.

    youhavetodoalotofg.

    yourtoolsforgothers

    visualizeyourselfinasocialorbusinesssituation,andsee

    yourselfasrelaxed,genial,,friendly,andg.

    igineyouareexertingyouranotherperson

    andtheyareslingandenjoyingyourpany.

    affirtoyourselfregularly,“iapletely

    eyousaythesee

    antaligeofyourselfganotherperson

    andenjoyingit.

    finally,traoursubnsis

    oftinually“actasif”youarealass

    charr.resolvetoile

    exaagifluen

    everyoneyoueinntact.allowyour

    nditionedreflexestoguidethehaveto

    “ke”ithappen,youletithappen.youhavealready

    beguntoexperiehepo.noo

    believeinyourdenjoyit.

    alont.”foragperson,the

    onlytiisnoe,”no“torrow,”

    no“illtryagain.”youingwhenyouare

    fullyfo

    dasssaid,“beherenow”

    chapter39

    rollout

    thecharbr >

    halftheposedofpeoplewhohave

    sothingtosayandt,aherhalfwhohave

    nothingtosayandkeeponsayingit.

    robertfrost

    yourabilitytocharthershecherryon

    theparfait,socially,ahebank,professionally.

    thinkoftheenorusvalueyouequired

    charkenew

    friendseasily,bethepersoneveryoalkto

    ataparty,delightyourfriendsandfaly,andcharhe

    pantsofftotalstrangers.

    127

    thepo

    thekeytoadva

    inthebusinessagiheadvantages

    yourcharkillsakeresales

    tocustorsyou.youwill

    iatereeffectively,buyingatloesandselling

    athigherprices.

    yourpa

    ...

    栗子网  www.lizi.tw小说站  www.xsz.tw栗子网  www.lizi.twhekeyperso

    iortantbusiacts.yourlleaguesandsuperiors

    ehyoubecausethey

    valueyounotjustforyourintelligen

    aswell.

    youoreandprotedfaster.yourpersonal

    avaluehanyouuldever

    haveexpectedbefore.peopleanhelpyouwillopen

    doorsforyou,andopportuoadvancerease.

    noisalluptoyou.youhavenothingtoloseand

    everythingtogain.enjoybeingeone

    stoappre,listensto

    therespondstothekestheeeliortant

    andtreasuredeha

    gperson

    dontyou

    specialboion

    thepo

    oelephone

    nyofusspendvastauntsoftioelephone.

    orepeoplearechattering

    aagihedevelopnt

    oftelephonecharandraticallyincreaseyoureffectiveness

    indealieiques.

    step1:thefirstiression

    youknoake

    afirstiression.”oftenthatfirstiressionisedfacetoface

    butoelephone.

    nysalesprofessionalsandbusinesspeopleually

    ettheircustorsinperson;theydobusinesssolelyonthe

    phoheyaresuccessfulhthisteiquebecausetheydevelop

    telephonepersonalitiesthateainglyandpersuasively.

    129

    thepo

    anexperience

    truestory:acustorcalledupanapplianyanda

    ansvoisly,“kandb.”thecallersaid,“i

    begyourpardon,”andsheagainsaid“kandb”inthesagri

    totallycharesshecallerpausedandthenaskedgently,

    “oing”

    therehecallersaid,“youhavesuice

    speakingvoice,ioing.”

    stillsilence.“uldyousayitnohersilend

    then,finally,“gooding.”

    theeffeerwere

    totallyfriendly;thereileinhervoice.thecustor

    respondedbysaying,“thaterrifikyou.”the

    pressionofthereceptionist,andthepanyshe

    represented,gedradicallyfroerfirst“kandb”toherlast

    “gooding.”

    ile,andadiffere

    kes.dontfet,aslebeheardainyourvoi

    thephohelistenotsle,butyoust

    step2:lookingforcluestohoeonespeaksand

    listens

    thebeginningofatelephoiongivesyouagreatopportunity

    todisverhonicates.

    youhertheirionis

    doherbythepersonthinksaboutthingsorhowhe

    orshefeelsaboutthings.psycues,systetic

    cuesandheuristiccues,respectively.clues.

    theheheysoundasthey

    speakareatthatti.whenyou

    talkandlistentootherpeople,bepreparedtosynizeh

    heyareusingandrespondh

    reofthesa.

    thepooelephone

    detailsversusetions

    forexale:eoicularlyiedindiscussing

    theinfortioailsofatopic,youshouldavoidtalking

    aboutfeelingsaions.thereverseisalsotrue.ifthe

    otherpersoobeetionallyinvolvedhthesubjectyou

    arediscussing,avoidtalkingaboutpractidlogisticalthings

    untilthepersongesurse.youdonttobetalkingpast

    oher;youeh.

    igihedishereily

    erountainsandhow

    peacefulitistovacationthereheuristicbasedresponseandyou

    insistondiscussingthegeologyoftheregionaypeofcrops

    groatiightaswellhave

    justarrivedfroars

    otherstalkaboutfeelingsaions;youtalkaboutfacts

    andfigures.theresultdisenbers

    andlogistioodaions.theresult

    calaty

    step3:givingpeoplethey

    ifyouihispoint:itsnotabout

    you.fetaboutyourself.obligetheotherperson.whenyouare

    talkingtosoohephoreattheuthpieceofthephone

    asthoughitistheearofthepersonyouaretalkingto.speakly

    aly.caressitakeyou

    saysouite,g,andpersonal.

    herenoostpoohelp

    youbeeregoelephone:

    1.enuragetheotherpersontotalk.syourtuto

    talk,dontgointoaseriesofninologues.instead,ask

    questionsandlistencloselytotheansoreyoulisten,

    theregyousound.

    2.speakclearly,sily,anddirectly.iftheotherpersonuses

    ordinarylanguageplicatedustdothe

    thepo

    sa.nothingcreateabarrierrerapidlythansounding

    superiorbyusingtendollaranylanguage

    thatcutstheotherpersonoutoftheloop.

    3.listeively,becauseitstheonlyost

    peoplehertalkthanlisten,especiallyonthephone.

    resistthistendendheotherpersonstotalk,

    folistening.

    4.beapatientlistener.althoughyouybereadyhan

    anstoplete

    theirthoughtsandairtheirfeelingsuntilitisyourtutospeak.

    5.beanactivelistener.usevodverbalaoents

    andreassurancessuchas,“uhhuh,”“yes,isee,”

    “,”“really,”“youdontsay,”“ofurse,”andthelike.

    thesesilererkslettheotherpersonknohatyouare

    fullyengaged.

    6.interrupthoutoffending.interruptingbereadasa

    ionofall

    putdoustinterrupt,alakethe

    bla.saysothinglike,“fiveforinterrupting,buti

    didnttetthispoint.”

    7.useshraphicexalesandstories.dryisdeadly.

    syourtutospeak,createalittletheaterhyour

    nts.it,gladto

    bealive,sunnyday.”belorfulandpictorial.

    8.neverassuneverpresu.notterhohe

    ...

    台湾小说网  www.192.tw小说站  www.xsz.tw栗子网  www.lizi.twionis,retchthefaliaritylevelabovethe

    otherpersonhassetespeciallyestokidding

    around.ifyouotherorfather,dontsayit

    tosooneelse.

    9.dontrush.slohedeepersoundsofyour

    voioreattractiveihan

    fasterandhigher.

    10.usepauses.hepersonyouareaddressing

    itothink,tryintrodugapause.heotherper

    thepooelephone

    sonbysaying,“takeanttohat,”ivea

    nttothink.”taketoolongoryoull

    geta“hello,areyouthere”

    11.dontoversellinfortion.givepeopletheinfortion

    theyneednore.sopeopleakingdecisions

    tonclusionsiftheyareovered.donttell

    theheydooknotothefact

    thatyouroverenthusiasldoverfilltheirilevel.

    12.beeathetioodsandnces.iftheyre

    unhappy,beunhappyfortheiftheyreglad,begladforthe

    ifyouaretryingtosellpeopleonaprodueer

    thatoheyseeyouasafriend,they

    oreopentogingtheirndsoropinions.

    13.keepyourvoieof

    yourvoidthespeedofyourore

    iortantnts;softenyourreialrerks.

    speedupportantinfortion.nothingis

    rebaivatingthanaflat,notonousvoice.it

    isrepohanasleepingpill.

    14.expressyouretions.yourvoidnnershould

    projethusiasent,andpleasure.you

    toheiyeventhepassionofyournvis.

    buttakeottooverdoit,becausethenyoureoverselling.

    15.sleintothephone.aslebebothhearda.it

    outh,sthetoneofyour

    voiile

    whenyouarespeaking.

    16.givepeopletheifyouto

    beexustsoued.ifyoutobenvinced,

    youstsoundnviheygiveyou

    youdontgivethe

    17.fotalkingaboutisofiotheotherperson.

    kesureherideas,opinions,andncesarealost

    intheion.

    thepo

    18.resistgivingadvice.thisappliesonthephoneandwhen

    speakingeoneinpersonaswell.ifapersonasksfor

    advice,resistthetetationtorespond.insteadask,“do

    youthinkyoushoulddo”

    19.alission.heyhaventaskedfor

    advice,butyouknoakea

    suggestion”alle.

    20.respondtoangergressivennerhgentleness.if

    yourespondinlikenner,youyotionalbattle

    butyoueerthatasoft

    ansusah.

    21.dontstopbeinggbeforeyouvehungup.besure

    yourcharxtendsintoeverythingyousay,includinggoodbyes.

    haveyoueverspokentosoohephonewho

    abruptlyakesyouhe

    personantanythinghesaid,doesntit

    22.thinkofyourselfasntyourlisterytobelikethe

    bestntoryoued,patient,kind,g,

    nceed,,supportive,andprotective.strivetobegenuinely

    helpfulandfriendly.

    yourtoolsforgothers

    resolvetodaytobeeanexcellentandgnicator

    onthephone.first,keepthesesuggestionsonasinglepiece

    ofpaperandhavethenfrontofyouwheneveryouarespeaking

    onthephone.reviecasuallyasyouspeakandlook

    foropportuoapplythe

    send,treateaportainghaspecial

    indedly

    onthevoiceoftheotherperson.

    halittlethoughtandpractice,theseskillseinvaluable

    inyoursociallifeandpricelessinyourbusinessandcareer;

    infaprovethequalityofyourrelationships

    asanythingelseyoudo.

    acceptance,12–13

    aen,27–28

    aoent,37

    as

    “actasif”principle,78–82,126

    iortanceofbehavior,

    31–34

    adration,14

    advice,67–69,134

    affirtions,126

    aggression,respondingto,134

    algren,nelson,22

    anger,respondingto,134

    anition,ofvoice,98–99,133

    appreciation,13,75–77

    approval,13–14

    arden,ron,5–7

    aristotle,78,121

    attention,14,17,35–37

    attitude

    “actasif”principleand,

    78–82,126

    iactof,80–81

    ban,francis,59,107

    behardt,sarah,1

    berold,ivan,5–7

    blanchard,ken,77

    bodylanguage

    fortzonesand,51–53

    ntrolling,56–58

    headnodsin,47–49,79

    headtiltsin,44–46

    leaningaway,50,52

    leaningforward,50,52,79

    inlistening,44–50

    ive,54–58

    sitting,51,52,55

    standing,51,52

    wholebody,50–53

    index

    budgell,eustace,54

    bush,geew.,92

    businessspace,51

    e,chael,95

    caegie,dale,16,107

    charbr >

    advaand,128

    applicationsof,5–7

    artof,123–124

    tntto,123–124

    iactof,8–10

    froari

    approach,31

    nand,19–20,26–29

    natureof,3–4

    froutsideineuropean

    approach,31–34

    secretof,12–15

    enand,19–20,22–25,56

    seealsoion;

    listening;speaking;

    telephoions

    churchill,jennie,63

    ton,bill,3,34

    ghan,stanley,39

    fortzones,51–53,89–91

    plints,14

    nflict,117

    ntrol

    ofbodylanguage,56–58

    iion,102–103,

    105–106,110–111,113,116

    ion,101–122

    nfli,117

    gettinginstepin,118–120

    iressingothersin,24–25,116

    “killingtheball”in,115–117

    rrandtgin,

    119–120

    practig,121–122,126

    preparationfor,107–111

    questionsin,102–103,

    105–106,110–111,113,

    131

    readingeachotherin,

    113–114

    steering,104–106

    subjectof,102–103,109–110

    seealsolistening;speaking;

    telephoions

    s,55,58

    dogs,headtiltsof,44–45

    erson,ralphwaldo,61

    etionalintelligence

    golen,16–17

    eathy,16–17,36,133

    endorphins,18

    energy,ofvoice,98–99,133

    exales,using,133

    eyentact

    fligand,41–43

    inlisteningtoothers,38–43

    lookasideand,86–87

    inspeakingtoothers,84–87

    faliaritylevel,132

    fasttalkers,88–89

    feelings

    asintriggering,79–82

    detailsversus,131

    expressing,133

    fillers,ex

    ...

    栗子网  www.lizi.tw栗子网  www.lizi.tw栗子小说    m.lizi.twcessive,95–96

    fligeyes,41–43

    franklin,benjan,112–114

    friends,practigh,63–66,

    121–122

    frost,robert,127

    135

    136index

    fry,stephen,1ardner,howard,17

    golen,daniel,16–17

    gorbachev,khail,84

    gorky,xi76–77

    greville,fulke,35

    habits,ging,90–91

    headnods,47–49,79

    headtilts,44–46

    heuristiccues,131

    holtz,lou,11

    hubbard,elbert,92

    hur,72–74

    huxley,aldous,125

    iressingothers,24–25,116

    iionrule,73–74

    interruptions

    avoiding,17,18,23

    gentle,132

    intitespace,51

    jas,,78

    johnson,sael,47,75

    laughing,72–74

    linln,abraha14

    listening

    attentionin,35–37

    bodylanguagein,44–50

    iion,109

    eyenta,38–43

    genuineversusphony,42

    headnodsin,47–49,79

    headtiltsin,44–46

    iactof,6,9,16–21

    keystoeffective,17–19

    nand,19–20,26–29

    patiend,68,70–71,132

    practig,63–66

    intelephoions,

    131–133

    enand,19–20,23–24

    lookaside,86–87

    rden,orisonst,118

    tg,iion,

    119–120

    hrabian,albert,55–56

    n

    gan,26–29

    listeningand,19–20,26–29

    nander,83

    rr,iion,

    119–120

    ntaigne,97

    rroe,30

    neurolinguisting

    nlp,119

    nodding,47–49,79

    nontalwordsand

    phrases,61–62

    openness,51

    oversellinginfortion,133

    paraphrasing,19

    patientlistening,68,70–71,132

    pauses,18,92–94,96,132–133

    perot,ross,43

    personalspace,51

    plato,26

    pleasure,forothers,6–7,9

    power

    ofchar9

    ofpatientlistening,68,

    70–71,132

    praise,13–14,27–28,75–77

    protions,128

    protectedspace,51–52

    publiussyrus,86

    questions

    forclarification,18–19

    iion,102–103,

    105–106,110–111,113,132

    foren,24–25

    reassurances,37

    verbal,61–62,79,132

    vocal,59–60,79,132

    receptivity,51

    reputation,iortanceof,2

    roone,andrews.,50

    st.john,seyur,3

    sanbo,rk,3,34

    seivprogra52

    selfesteebr >

    buildingothers,12–14,18,

    27–28

    atreofpersonality,11–12

    ofen,23

    selfiroventarena,31

    silence,18,92–94,96,132–133

    sin,neil,73–74

    sluing,55,57,58

    sling,12–13,72–74,79,130,

    133

    socialintelligence,1–2,16–17

    socialspace,51

    speaking

    excessivefillersin,95–96

    eyenta,84–87

    pausesin,18,92–94,96,

    132–133

    teoof,88–91,98–99,132

    voicequalityand,97–100,

    133

    seealsoion;

    telephoions

    stories,telling,132

    systeticcues,131

    telephoions,

    129–134

    cluesin,130–131

    firstiressions,129

    givingothersthey,

    131–134

    “thankyou,”saying,13,75–77

    thokoza,8

    toneofvoice,55–56,62

    tark,72

    unnditionalpositiveregard,

    12–13

    verbalreassurances,61–62,79,

    133

    visualization,126

    voice

    qualityof,97–100,133

    toneof,55–56,62

    vocalreassurances,59–60,79,

    132

    on,gee,88

    s,cecil,84

    en

    bodylanguageand,56

    gaan,22–25

    listeningand,19–20,23–24

    zenoofathens,41

    abouttheauthors

    briantraericastopbusinessspeakers,abestselling

    author,aheleadingnsultantsandtrainersonpersonal

    andprofessionaldevelopntintheoday.he

    addresses250,000peopleea

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    prograndthea.

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    thendhastraihan2,000,000peoplepersonally.his

    ideasareproven,practical,andfastag.hisreaders,senar

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    ronardenisbritishboandeducatedandisognized

    asoheleadingspeechachesintheed

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    desighe“guruofspeakersaches”forhisunique

    137

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    uyofbusinessarepreneurship,ttedto

    helpingindividualstoachievefinancialsuccessandindependence

    asbusinesso.

    theuyofferspractical,fastaginstruon

    businessbuilding,increasingyourprofits,gettingstartedin

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    :0830整理

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